Frugal Doings:

Found the Silicon Valley Target family concert dates. Bummer, since they are Sunday nights. BUT, is before school starts so maybe we can make it work. Will probably pick one night to go. Either "Disney" or "Movie Blockbuster" themed - I am sure there will be some overlap between the two concerts. Not only are these concerts free, but have free ice cream, and are at our University alma mater. So, I am excited about the experience as a whole.

We've seen the Sacramento Symphony Target concerts but had to pay a bit to get in, and wasn't quite as directed to the younger kids. But, if those fit our schedule, we may do one too. I believe the kids were free at least.

Dh has quite a few Scholastic volunteer shifts this upcoming week. I believe he settled on 4 hours per teacher and 8 hours for the school. (Plus 8 hours towards buying whatever his heart delights). Truth is we need to purge some books - I am not as thrilled about that part, though books are the primary gift for the kids any holiday. More than just books - often video games, activity books, etc., etc. That said, dh did purge some books from the bookshelf recently. Maybe for the first time ever (outside baby books we bought before our Scholastic days). I'd say we could purge more.

I've got so much time off and free food (BBQs, etc.) coming this month that the $0 spending has been easy. Not that I am having a no-spend month (I don't like extremes). I just figured it would be easy to spend $0 on food this month. Vacation plans being up in the air is bad for our plans though. That was 3.5 days of free food. Was planning on saving a lot of groceries, too. The budget would be best if camp is not cancelled!

Anyway, I kicked myself for probably not having enough food at work today (forgot to bring anything), so just went to BK for a $1 menu item. Woman there handed me a pile of coupons. It's been a while since someone has handed me a pile of coupons. I could clearly tell why - who comes through to just spend a dollar, right? & puts it on a credit card? Funny thing is strict budget or no, I'd probably order the same thing regardless. Not wanting their french fries and over-priced soda has little to do with anything but my taste and appetite. Well, and their over-priced sodas...

Well, it was a reminder that I can still splurge on a lunch.

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So, Joan asked an interesting question a while back when I mentioned a mix up between us and another family struggling financially. She legimitimately asked if we *looked poor* or could be *mistaken as poor* by the impression we give off. In this case, was just an e-mail mix up.

But, I think this is an interesting question. Why, if someone is frugal, are they perceived to be so cheap that they must stick out and have a miserable life? Not that Joan was saying all that. BUT, I do find that people treat me VERY different on the internet at times, than they do on real life.

The truth is, we fit in QUITE well. Very well. To the point where most people think we are just rich tightwads. Because clearly it is ridiculous that we would watch our pennies so much. (To most people, they don't seem to understand the cause and effect. I'd sum it up as saving money on stuff we don't care about so we have more to spend on the stuff we do care about).

These are the things people will never notice:

**How much stuff we buy used, hand-me-down clothes, hand-me-down furniture. We are big fans of *barely used* goods. I can assure you that no one would ever know if we didn't tell.

**That we eat most our meals at home.

**I delight in finding birthday presents that look REALLY expensive but only cost $5-$10 (on deep discount, of course).

**That when we vacation we make frugal choices - like drive and stay at Motel 6. No one sees that - all they know if that you went to some exciting destination they couldn't afford (i.e. they couldn't afford flying too and staying at a luxury hotel - usually what that seems to mean).

**That I don't spend a fortune on beauty products. Online this is met with *horror.* In person I am often told, "Well - you are lucky you don't *need* it." As if everyone needs hundreds of dollars of beauty products and spa treatments to pass in society.

I do admit everyone thinks we just buy used cars because we are ridiculously cheap (and crazy). They couldn't possibly fathom how much we save (since we are usually told that *old cars cost more*). At the end of the day, my car doesn't come up much anyway. Few people do seem to notice the car situation. Likewise, the few friends I drive around in my van know we paid cash for it and they can't wrap their brain around that anyway.

I admit we are in a unique position since we moved to a low cost area. So, this translates into maybe owning in a prestigious neighborhood, while having the lowest mortgage of anyone we know. Most assumptions are we are about to foreclose like 95% of our neighbors, that we are rich, or that we made a fortune on Bay Area real estate. The truth is that a $300k house feels extremely reasonable to us compared to what we are used to, and that we put 25% down, never borrowed against the home, and have a low fixed mortgage rate. The home was a lateral move from a $290k-ish condo we made no money on. No one else seems to comprehend how we could not be upside down. To be fair, buying price is ALWAYS assumed to be much higher than we paid. We bought the house because it was an awesome deal. Since it was new construction, we locked the price in much lower to what it was even worth when we eventually moved in. For a while (years), when the models were still open, everyone would comment, "I could never afford this neighborhood" after stopping to tour the models. But they seemed completely deaf when we would laugh and reply, "neither could we at THOSE prices."

Then there is the whole *hubby stays home* thing. No one will accuse us of being poor as long as that is a fact. You have to be lucky and rich to manage that, of course. Do you think all of our Joneses type friends can even fathom living on one income? If I opened up my tax returns I think most my friends would faint dead away.

I think for the most part we can figure out how to have whatever we want, cheaper. Whether it be a good eduction (primary or college), a reliable car, a nice home, or whatever it may be. One interesting thing with the kids is dh's love of video games and the prevalence of them around the house. Yes, I'd think it would probably be ridiculous to give my 5-year-old a brand new Nintendo DS, but both kids have a DS and a PSP at their disposal. Cost? Free. As such, they fit in quite well with all the kids and their new game systems.

I remember one day when LM was younger and we were waiting at one of BM's extra-curricular classes. I pulled out a zip lock just bursting at the seams full of games for his Leap Frog. I looked at it, probably for the first time, and thought, "Where the hell did all these games come from?" I had probably paid for just a few games over the years. I was keenly aware that other people must be thinking I was carrying around thousands of dollars of games around, when really it was probably no more than $100 to us.

Anyway, it isn't really hard to fit in. I've got a college degree, a nice home, reliable cars, furniture, appliances, clothing, etc. IT all looks the same as what everyone else has got, for the most part. I can assure we paid very little compared to average for most of the things we own.

So, I had to giggle a bit to myself when Joan asked, though I Wasn't surprised at the question. I think if our passions were different, and we didn't have the whole benefit of the low cost of living thing, my experience may be very different. I think also we are very moderate. I can think of a few people who are stingy to an extreme. Some have come across very poor when they weren't poor at all. I can't imagine ever being so extreme - in either direction.

I am curious about other's experiences in these type perceptions.

I just posted a financial/savings update and updated my sidebar (see last post, too).

I don't have enough time to post all I Want to today. But, will get some of it out.

Today was supposed to be a nice day - maybe a hike - swimming with cousins, etc. We have an 80th birthday party to attend tonight. Woke up to pouring rain. OF course, with the stormy/cloudy weather last night, I told dh I supposed we wouldn't go early. Will drive 2 hours for dinner. 2 hours back. Not San Jose - going up north. BUT, cousin thought it was a great idea to get a condo there overnight (has 3 SMALL kids) and why she invited us swimming, etc. Was a nice plan, anyway. Any other year but this one!

I must admit I do feel extremely *off* and I suppose the weather has a lot to do with it. I keep telling myself at least we don't have devastating tornadoes, and flooding, etc. As several friends and relatives are dealing with. But truth is this weather is really annoying me. We don't live in California for rain and storms. Non-100 degree weather is nice (since we usually get a heat wave in May), but too extreme in the other direction to actually enjoy. So there is my petty whine.

I was telling dh about an article in the newspaper about 3 different weather phenomenons that are potentially causing storms and 20-degree lower temps than usual. For many many months (winter, spring, and now into summer). Dh replies with, "I know why it's raining like crazy. Because I still have my mom's umbrella!" I burst out laughing at that. I had forgotten about that. She brought it up for BM's recital - when we had ultra weird weather. She wanted dh to meet her half way and return it the following week. To which dh and I both replied with, "Um, hell no." I just rolled my eyes and said something like, "Yeah, like she needs her umbrella. Whatever..." I had forgotten about that, but had to laugh when dh mentioned it. Guess she is upset we have her umbrella still. Rightly so. Will return it tonight. (For the record - we use umbrellas, never? Once in a blue moon??? Never in May or June).

Without the A/C, and with all the rain, will have lower than usual water and electric bills. Financially, is the plus side. I am curious how our electric usage will compare to last May. The house has settled about 70F degrees - no air or heat needed. Usually we are well into A/C weather by now.

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I had to share one more thing. Dh and I never do what everyone else is doing. We ALWAYS seem to be ying-ing while everyone else is yang-ing.

With the economy? We chose a very bare bones lifestyle when we first had children, so dh didn't have to work and so I could take some leave as well. So, basically, when the economy was good we were pinching our pennies severely. Of course, even before that we were, since were saving for a home, for kids, etc.

Then the economy tanks and suddenly everyone is cutting back and struggling. I'd say we had better times. Because I was working 100%, if nothing else. We've gotten some decent tax breaks. We got far more efficient with our budget, etc., etc.

I am used to most people being jealous of the fact that dh does not work. Jealous, envious, in awe, admired, whatever. People take it different ways. Many of our friends and family have been striving to take the same plunge.

But, for dh is I think very different than most people realize. He wasn't established in a career. He only work 2-3 years after college, and was not a big career kind of job. He was laid off, initially, and has looked for work a solid 2-3 years in the past decade. Was not 100% choice. I admit we planned ahead enough to just deal with.

BUT, from my perspective, he has a solid 30-year career ahead of him.

I am just setting the stage. On top of this, we have talked at length about him returning to the workforce soon. Whether he works very part-time while the kids are in school, to help us save more, or if he starts over and is career bound. His personal preference is to start a career and contribute heavily to the household. I don't think anyone *gets* that. I get the impression several of our friends think he is just lazy. Though he flounders with his career goals, etc., the truth is he has a huge work ethic and feels like he should work. He feels we should both work full-time, honestly, for the long run. I don't necessarily agree.

Anyway, serious talks are set aside for fall. Once both kids have the same school schedule. I think I kind of felt dh needed a break, and expected this year to be a much harder transition for LM. It wasn't, but why add daycare on top of Kindergarten? IF we didn't need to. Maybe it wouldn't have gone so smooth in that case.

& so here we are making a plan and moving forward, and everyone we know is quitting their job. What the heck???

It's WEIRD. Dh's sister was laid off and offered a generous severance. She wants to stay home indefinitely. MIL tells me her and cousin could never afford to stay home. Now she tells me cousin is well on her way. (They choose mortgages triple ours, by living in expensive area, and their spouses do not make big money - their pay is decent).

My other cousin just had a third baby - three very small ones - she quit her job.

My good friend just went part-time. We met for lunch and I figured she'd probably tell me she quit. Is her long-term goal. She did make the first step on that road - is winding down. She doesn't want to work again.

& so the trend is... Quit when kids start school.

Honestly, I think most of them are crazy. LOL. Let's work full time and go absolutely insane with babies and daycare, and then once they are in school, quit working. I am not saying that all my working mom friends aren't stressed beyond belief, even with school-aged children. But the order of things does strike me as odd. Everyone I mentioned is giving up BIG paying jobs - a decade into their solid careers. They will tell me, "Oh - can't you relate?" Building a career for 10 years and just walking away? No, neither dh nor I can relate.

I think SIL thinks that she and dh will get the kids together all the time and such. I think dh will be working and so goes the ying and the yang.

To be fair, financially this may have been a good road for them. They may have saved a TON while we focused on a much more modest and lower-income lifestyle. Maybe they will never have to work again. I don't know. I hope it works well for everyone. But, it's a sea of change. As for us, we'd probably rather do just about anything than both work full-time with small kids/babies. We may live longer because we haven't added all that stress to our lives. I have no doubt every one of these people is due a BIG BREAK. They have taken on far too much in recent years.

I just think it's interesting. Will all our friends and family be slowing down while we ramp it up again? It looks that way. We are always opposite, for whatever reason, so, what else is new?

I got jury duty. Sort of.

I didn't remember the last time I was called for jury duty. Apparently, it's been 7 years - I figured out.

Anyway, I read it over and the same rules apply. Sacramento county is actually pretty easy to get out of jury duty. I am the sole source of household income and my employer doesn't pay for jury duty. (He despises it - but to be fair - it does really disrupt his SMALL business). For other employees, I have heard him get really upset. They live in other counties and can't get out quite that easy.

So, I got a letter from my boss confirming he won't pay me, and sent off my excuse already.

Dh has been excused a couple of times as sole provider of unpaid childcare to his children.

I certainly wouldn't mind jury duty if I could afford the loss of income, and if it wouldn't freak out my boss. I think we are getting to the point where dh could handle it. (Daycare is no longer an insane expensive consideration. Likewise, how to find quality care just for jury duty??? These days we have more options and kids are at school all day any how).

That said, as I read the "acceptable excuses" I asked dh if he was working 5 hours a week if that would count. We were just talking about him looking for work, yesterday. So, maybe resetting the jury duty clock isn't a bad thing while dh eases into employment. I don't want to have to not check the box because dh makes a few hundred dollars a month. IT's not like we can live on that, much better than $0.

They never really call me much. I am trying to recall if this is #3 or #4. I think I might have been called once to jury duty, but then they never actually pulled my number to show up at court. When I Was 19 or 20 I got called in, but the guy/accused confessed, and so they sent us home. Last time was same excuse as this time.

I actually find the rules kind of interesting. It always bugged me a bit that unemployment was so individual and unrelated to household income. Dh took unemployment last he was unemployed and looking for work. Why wouldn't he? But I can't say I would complain if he was ineligible due to the fact that we could easily live without his income. & thus becomes the issue with many welfare programs. Casting a wide enough net without casting too wide.

Jury duty struck me as kind of opposite. Sole income earner gets an easy out. But, what if I contributed 95% of the income? I suppose I could plead my case at court. But no automatic out, there. IT struck me as opposite because most people I know would be financiall devastated if they lost work for a few days (even with a working spouse).

We never keep collision/comprehensive long on our cars. Mostly because we tend to drive really old/inexpensive cars.

When we picked up HBO for a few months to watch a new series ($5/month) I recalled that we still had comprehensive on dh's car. (It's worth $2k at most, is 10 years old, has a high deductible anyway, and we have the cash to replace it with a 1-year-old car we have our eye on for next vehicle).

I don't remember precisely when we dropped collision - but it was years ago. Comprehensive was far cheaper, and we seem to have high odds of flood/auto theft. Which mattered more when the car was worth twice as much as it is now and we had no intention of replacing it barring worst case scenario.

Dropping it saves about $60/year - or enough for one year of HBO. Woohoo!

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I think my newspaper just saved me $150. Paid for itself this year.

Read about State Farm's "Drive Safe and Save" program:

http://www.statefarm.com/insurance/auto_insurance/drive_save...

I skeptically looked it up not expecting it to apply to us, etc. In the past you had to drive less than 7500 miles per year to qualify for any low driving discount.

Looked it up, and low and behold, discount applies to less than 19k miles driven per year. More discount the less you drive.

We drive both our cars about 10k per year, on average. Looks like we will save 5% or 8% off of our premiums.

It took a click of the button to sign up.

I registered the van, which probably will yield the bigger savings. (We drive it far less when gas prices are high, and is the more expensive insurance since it is newer and has full coverage).

I couldn't register the gas sipper, so I e-mailed my agent to ask why not. I didn't see any reason why I shouldn't be able to. Discount applies to almost everything - not just collision/comprehensive.

He probably thinks I lost my job or something. Fishing for those pennies! I just talked to him about the comprehensive last week.

Will see. Very little effort to save $200-ish per year.

I have no idea why I have not heard of this program! So I had to share. That said, it is only available in 4 states. Keep an eye out though - wonder if this will become more common.

At MyMoneyBlog he did a full review of that book I mentioned:

http://www.mymoneyblog.com/book-review-the-art-of-non-confor...

"One interesting idea was his preference for what he calls Income-Based Financial Independence as opposed to Wealth-Based. Basically, he dislikes the traditional goal of having a “Number” of say a million dollars as a goal. Instead, he wishes to create a certain income from work that he likes to do, while also having the freedom and time to do all the other stuff he wants."

This would sum my own lifestyle, exactly. I want to live life doing what I like to do. But, flexibility is also important to me.

That said, I really liked this comment to the post:

"I think if you’ve got a dream you should pursue it. I just believe people should really consider their risk tolerance before jumping in!"

SO well said.

I did a post recently about how we are often criticized for being too "safe" and "boring." The thing is we LIKE to be safe and boring. & so we have found a way to live our lives that gives us freedom, makes us happy, but appears to be safe and boring. I suppose the author of this book was a little more into adventure, and so though it sounds like I could relate on many levels, I don't have to do something especially risky or "different" to find that happiness, myself.

I think the irony is there is so little conformity in our own lives. We can be labeled conformists for having the white picket fence and the 2.2 children, but that is about where our conformity ends.

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It was interesting when I read this book review, because I just had the most insightful conversation with my spouse the other day.

I've always felt his parent gave him little career guidance but "You have to work a job you hate for good money." This is the complete polar opposite of how I was raised, and I have been annoyed how little his mind shift has changed after FIFTEEN years of being with me.

So, he tells me the other day that he just has NO IDEA what he wants to do. He is good at everything, so he doesn't know where to start. On top of that, he is extremely risk adverse. So, though he knows he wants to do something artistic (orelse he will never be happy), and he does NOT want to ever wear a tie again. But he can't resolve that side of his brain with his extremely practical nature.

For the first time I realized that though his parents' influence has always been very heavy in this, that he really has an internal struggle that I didn't quite realize before.

IT was ironic that he was telling me this just after I read about this book, and was thinking about risk tolerance in my own life.

Basically, my dh needs some serious career guidance. My only suggestions were to meet with the higher ups at the TV station (his dream job at the moment - and he knows everyone since he has volunteered there for YEARS). So he isn't getting anywhere with e-mails and trying to chat during events. I'm like - invite them to lunch and ask them for some career guidance!

Likewise, I think he should probably take some community college classes (dirt cheap here) and talk to the career counselors there. I am sure there are also other state resources for unemployed, etc.

One step he is doing is trying to finish some of his creative projects so he has something to show when he can network more, etc. It's a good start. He is planning a retreat next month (a free stay in the family cabin in the woods) to get away from the TV and internet and kids and just work on his scripts.

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In all this, I realized I was extraordinarily lucky because though dh and I both seem to have the same risk tolerance, I am perfectly happy in a well paying and steady career.

Of course, I don't think dh has to be worried so much about the "Well paying" and "steady" side of things, (being married to me!) but his practical nature will never let him move past that. It is what it is.

Believe me - our kids will get far better career guidance. I just couldn't stand to watch them struggle the same way.

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For myself, I identify with dh in that I also tend to be good at many things, and have many interests. As such, when narrowing down a career, I decided that a steady/safe/consistent job was what was most important to me. Accounting became the obvious choice.

I had seriously considered astronomy, biology, and music for careers. I even have a degree in the humanities. I totally understand how hard it is to narrow things down.

(Humanities - history, art, english, philosophy - was completely written off by the practical side of me - I just enjoyed studying it).

Through college I ruled out science.

My parents were extremely supportive "you can do anything in this world" types. OF course they were. My dad had little ambition until a community college career counselor suggested that he get an engineering degree. Was such a perfect fit for him. This left my dad with a strong sense that you can follow your dreams and do quite well. (Turned his life around significantly since he grew up poor and is now a millionaire).

That said, when I did express interest in music, my dad was always introducing me to his musician friends. He just wanted me to know it was a hard road. Not to discourage me - but to impress that it was something maybe better as a hobby than career. & that was with what he knew about me.

When we moved here, I immediately volunteered for a local wildlife rehabilitation nonprofit. I quickly realized it was not my thing. Thank goodness I didn't go to vet school. I loved caring for all the animals, and maybe I would have been happy as a zookeeper type. But, I just could not grasp the medical side of it at all. To me it was a re-assurance that I picked the right career. Phew!

My love for music and animals fits better as hobbies, for me. I know I could make a decent living teaching piano (I taught through college and had many music teacher mentors who did quite well financially), but I don't think it is as strong a fit for me as accounting is.

I know I Was very blessed to learn all this before I turned 23 or 24. Part of it was really getting my feet wet in a lot of different endeavors. Same careers that sounded great, I Was immediately able to rule out once I stuck my toe in the water. I figure the best I can do for my kids is give them those same type experiences.

An excellent and relevant post at MyMoneyBlog, today.

Life Planning Exercise: Creating My Perfect Day

http://www.mymoneyblog.com/life-planning-exercise-creating-m...

I have so many thoughts about this, I wouldn't know where to begin.

Of course, this exercise was an idea from Guillebeau's book, "The Art of Non-Conformity"

"The underlying message of Guillebeau's book, based on his popular blog, is that "You don't have to live your life the way other people expect you to." Those who are open-minded, ready to challenge the status-quo, hard-working, and personally responsible can lead lives of rare authenticity through radical goal-setting..."

Okay, so I have GOT to read this book. My curiosity is definitely piqued.

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Anyway, my perfect day? That is an exercise that needs some thought and care. Something I will definitely meditate on some time after tax season.

I think this is a GREAT exercise and one that should be done often. I can't help but notice that life changes rapidly and humans have a tendency to think the grass is greener. As much as I feel in touch with what is truly important to me, I have found over the years that sometimes I was wrong, or things changed very quickly. Instead of making New Years' resolutions, maybe it makes sense to reflect on what our perfect day is, and how much that ideal may have changed from the year prior. Food for thought.

I was thinking about it because what I have been wanting more than anything is just some down time at home. Interestingly, I got that opportunity after my surgery. I felt great for about 100% of my time at home, recovering. But, I did not feel like there were enough hours in the day. I just felt like I more easily wasted more hours in the day. Suddenly, instead of planning summer vacation at home, not doing anything (which I always TRY for), we now have 2 vacations planned. Time home sounds nicer than it really is, to me. In more recent years when the kids were little, it meant more and I needed the time to accomplish more. But, the kids are at school and I have plenty of leisure time. I don't really need MORE.

Likewise, I have tried to warn other women about the lure to be home with their kids. Never felt it with my eldest, but had a harder time with child #2. There was a year or two in there that I felt a strong pull to be able to work part-time and be home more.

Those times? Dead and gone. My kids get home from school about 4:00 - I get home at 5:00. I am the type person who is far more productive and happy with a schedule and a job to go to. More time at home means little to me at this point in my life.

Just, don't turn your lifetime upside down for a pull that will only be there a short time, is all.

On the flip side, dh and I are very practical hard workers. It was only once we were ready to have kids that dh could put aside a well-paying job to pursue something lower paying or less "responsible." Between this mind shift, and all we have gone through these past few years on the medical front, we have come to a much deeper understanding about what is truly important to us. By the same token, when he first stopped working, we had a very limited income. As my income has grown over the years, we have made an effort to reflect on what was truly important, and how to best allocate that money. I honestly can't tell you what has made us think more - finite resources, or more time. Both, I guess.

As such, though I haven't sat down and planned out a "perfect day, hour by hour," my spouse and I have spent a lot of time reflecting about what is important to us, and how we want to live our life, these past 10 years or so.

Things that are important to me and that I do keep top of mind:

**Sleep - I value my sleep so much. Nothing gets in the way of a good night's sleep.

**Exercise - I know regular exercise elevates my mood. Exercise in the a.m. will improve my day ten-fold.

**Weather - I prefer to live in a mild climate, with lots of sun. My work schedule kind of works around the weather nicely. (i.e. summers are by the pool after work - many perfect swimming hours. Mornings and evenings usually pleasant for exercise/walks. The days are hot and suck, but then I am happy to be inside with the A/C. Winters are not my favorite - but that's when work is busy - so just kind of works).

**Quality of life - I don't do traffic and I don't do crowds. I think I have made that abundantly clear in my blog.

**Work - I prefer NOT to work at home, but somewhere close to home. This may seem idealistic, but I have always lived a few minutes from my office, and spend many lunch hours at home. These days I get nice lunch dates with my husband - with the kids in school. LOVE it. I personally can not stand to mix home and work. Work is work. Home is home. Completely separate. I do better at my job that way. I do better with my family that way. The boundaries are clear.

I prefer little supervision, and I'd be happy to not talk to anyone all day.

That said, being self-employed does not appeal to me in the least. (I have been self-employed and I hated it!)

What I really like about my job, besides all the numbers (which I LOVE), is the feeling of appreciation and really helping people. (Even if I have to talk to people more than I would like!)

Though my current job is amazing, this would describe most any job I have worked. I have many positive work experiences, and so know clearly what I want and what I don't want.

I am fine working 8 hours a day. 4 days a week might be nicer than 5, but I think it runs a bit "the grass is greener." Not sure it would actually make me much happier. I actually find since I work extra during tax season that 9-5, 5 days a week, feels very leisurely to me the rest of the year. When it is light out until 8pm, I am happy as a clam. I wake up early, hit the gym, take the kids to school, work, and have 3 hours daylight left to enjoy at the end of the day (lounge by the pool a few hours, go for a bike ride?). That's when life is good!

**I don't want my life bogged down by chores. So I hire out chores that I absolutely can not stand (yard work) and dh and I share in the other household duties - to our strengths and preferences. Thus, neither of us spends much time doing things we don't want to do.

**Kids - spending quality time with our kids is everything. When they are grown, that time will be replaced with more time to volunteer, grandkids (I hope), etc. As much as our kids are everything, I know that there has to be something else, for the long haul. This may be one reason working less doesn't overly appeal to me.

Well, so far so good (knock on wood). LM had a great first day of "all day" school. He's only been going 3 hours a day for 3 weeks.

I think the pre-K program was extremely helpful! HE was so chipper last night, that I started to wonder if going to school was taking less energy than being home with brother all day. Could be. I remember BM being very cranky the first few weeks of school - and he has tons of energy. It's just quite an adjustment.

It's only one day - so will see.

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If you asked dh, I think he'd tell you the best part is being able to sleep in! Not that he has gotten to yet. But, soon enough.

I usually either work Saturdays or go to aerobics at dawn. SO, he gets Sundays to sleep in. BUT, easier said than done, with kids who like to wake up and dawn. SO, he now gets 2-3 mornings a week while I take the kids to school. (I could care less about sleeping in. I rather go to bed early - which I do often).

I am working on a honey do list, but it isn't very long. Yet. I am used dh doing a lot for me, and don't really intend to add to his load too much. But I am thinking of a couple of things that need to be taken care of with his newfound free time.

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The other nice things is lunch dates. We always do lunch dates (more economical), but we have to plan them eons in advance, it seems.

Now we have our pick of 5 days a week.

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When BM started Kinder, it was a shift from a simpler life to more complexity. We really hadn't had much of any schedule for a long time. School is very schedule-y. Lots to plan around.

LM starting school is kind of the polar opposite. WE are used to the schedule now, and he shares it with BM. This just frees up a lot of time for dh. So, it's making life simpler, for the moment.

Dh and I will definitely enjoy. Before long, I expect he will be working again, and life will then be much more busy. So, we are definitely enjoying the slower pace for a time.

I could ask dh to help me with a lot more, but I feel content. I don't really need help with anything. The thought crossed my mind that if he was so free, I could ask him to take the kids for a day, Saturday or Sunday. But, I don't need a break, and nothing I need to do, so, eh.

----------------------------------------------------

I had another weekend with cranky moms...

I thought to all of the talk of simpler living, recently.

I looked at this blog earlier, as recommended by another blogger.

[urlhttp://smallnotebook.org/[/url]

I did like it. One of the first blog posts really struck with me.

http://smallnotebook.org/blog/page/2/

The Hierarchy of Cleaning...

Clean yourself
Clean your clothes
clean the trash/dishes
Worry about the rest later...

That sums it up pretty well.

That one stuck with me because, that is completley my style of cleaning, for one. Secondly, cleaning is an area where I don't see moms being very practical. They are stressed out, they are tired, they are a mess, and they still spend hours every day cleaning. I don't quite understand why.

I've always thought, "Thank goodness I am not a neat freak."

But, as a mom friend griped to me over the weekend, I realized that there was no rhyme and reason to her priorities. She was telling me she had no time for x, y, and z (no idea how I did it), but she was spending all this energy on a, b and c, and I wasn't quite sure why.

For example, her child has been at school one full year and she asked me how the buying lunch thing worked. My jaw about hit the floor. They eat out every night, but she makes lunch for her kid every single day? Seriously? It just struck me as odd.

Anyway, I know I come across off as the "Do it all Mom" to my friends. (They've all said it to me). Which is completely ridiculous!

The truth is I am the "Ask for help" mom and the "Cut a lot of corners" mom. I am definitely the "I know how to say no" mom.

That hierarchy of chores said it pretty well. I do what needs to be done. I am good at prioritizing. I don't generally go around bragging about all the corners I cut. In fact, most people would look at me like I was crazy if I told them. But the end result is a MUCH simpler lifestyle. (Should I brag about it more? It's not like I even care, but the same moms always look horrified when you mention the corners you cut, so you can't win).

An example? I don't bathe my kids every night. (I grew up in drought country, and I think it is a ridiculous waste of water AND time). But most people think this is crazy talk! But, by only cleaning the kids when they NEED it, I save myself a couple of hours a week. That is just one example of MANY. I see quite easily why I have so much free time compared to most my mom friends.

So, is prioritizing the key to a simple lifestyle?

I don't know if it's key, but it is a skill that is just kind of inherent in my nature. I have always been pretty good at prioritizing, since I was a small child. I do think that it makes life easier.

There's probably a lot more to simplicity, than just prioritizing. But it's probably a very good first step.

**We got dh's car back within a few hours of dropping it off at the mechanic. New rotors. I kind of guessed since he mentioned last time that they were iffy. No complaints, here. Our 2000+ vehicles have been AMAZING with the brakes. It could be our driving habits, here. We drive mostly freeway and not much stop and go. I was a lot rougher on my brakes when I was younger, but definitely did a lot more stop and go kind of driving, all the same. This is the first time on dh's car at 110k miles, and I am wondering when the van (@80k) will need brake work. We've always driven such old cars, before these, that the batteries and the brakes blow my mind. Both lasted 100k miles, easy peasy, on these newer vehicles.

Anyway, $300 to replace his rotors. Was our only car repair this year, thus far. With the way things had been going, I was sure it would be something in the $1k range. So, I am pleased!

----------------------------------------------------

When we got home last night, I voiced to dh how frustrated I was with our savings pace, and how relieved I was that the repair was only $300. I told him I about gave up, since I have been trying to get to a $30k cash minimum, for the last 18 months or so, and how I can't seem to get past $20k, no matter what happens. I am saving $1k per month for this goal! But, far more expenses, lately.

While voicing my frustration, I told dh I was thinking of dropping the goal, and resuming retirement contributions, come 1/1. We will put a fair amount in this year (more than $0), but I would like to start 1/1 either maxing out one ROTH @ $400/month, or even better, putting away 10%. IT is critical since my employer took away our 10% retirement contributions this year. I need to start making them, myself.

(In addition, when we had no money to save, no expenses ever come up. I can't help like feel like I will be frustrated, until I put retirement first. It always seems to kind of work out).

& then I said, "The only thing that stresses me out is the vehicles. I don't see how having a payment would help, because it reduces how much I can save. I am stressed out that the van is catching up on miles, and now fear that both vehicles will need to be replaced around the same time. Maybe I should let it go and figure you will be working by the time we need a new vehicle, but it still is stressing me out, because who knows what will happen."

KEep in mind - we only pay cash for vehicles.

Dh told me, "Well, if something happens, we'll get a vehicle for a couple of thousand dollars."

I said, "Duh."

This still stresses me out, plenty.

Then the conversation got interesting. At some point or other (in the distant past), I vocalized that our second vehicle was a luxury, and dh didn't quite agree. I mean, he realized it on some level, but I think I would have quite a fight to ever settle on one vehicle.

So dh shocked the hell out of me, and says, "Look, if we find ourselves in a situation with needing to replace 2 cars, we can live with one. Heck, if one goes, we don't have to replace it right away. The kids are both in school now and we can walk or bike to anywhere we need to go, while you are at work, for the most part." The kids' school is just down the street.

I mulled on that a while, and he is right. I just needed that perspective.

It was very eye opening for me, because the only thing I am REALLY struggling with, on this one income thing, is replacing the cars at the level we have gotten used to. Both our cars were purchased in the $10k range. They are great and fine and will last a long time. But, saving the replacement cost has been daunting on one income. We are doing good on savings at the moment, but dh bought his vehicle in 2002, and most the last 8 years we haven't saved a dime for another car. I am still catching up for some lost savings years.

Of course, all that said, the $30k goal is probably more about the economy than anything. Emergency fund for unemployment. But, taking the car out of the equation, makes me feel a little lighter, all the same. So, phew.

I have been wondering how we can continue to maintain 2 vehicles on one income while maybe I should have realized it would be easier to give one up to prolong our one-income status. It feels like a "duh," moment. Dh would only give it up if the car died, though. Or needed an extraordinarily expensive repair.

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In other news, I read a good article in Money Magazine:

7 Secrets of Super Savers

http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2010/moneymag/1007/gallery.su...

Of course, the website article had 8 secrets!

This article was so good, I am going to make copies of the magazine version.

I have noticed MANY times over the years that people have been jealous of our income/lifestyle, and found that they might make double our income. Happens ALL the time.

A friend recently told me that she had no idea how "people do it." The 1-income thing, which she is working very hard towards.

I read this article, and it sums it up pretty well. I am thinking, next time someone asks me that question. I will have to hand them this article? There is no one thing - it is a sum many differences in lifestyle and money management.

Nothing I haven't already said in this blog, probably.

Of note, "The simple act of tracking what you spend can help you spot places to cut."

I have never been very big on the budget. I don't set a budget for every spending category and track it every month. What I do do, is track my spending in Quicken. I know where every penny goes, and every single month I review it to spot problems, early on. It could be as simple as, "Dang, we really spent a lot on groceries last month. We will have to rein that in this month." I really just eyeball it, and if something is amiss, we can fix it immediately. I do try to stress to people, that you don't have to obsess over the numbers. You really just need to know where you stand!

The article also toted automatic savings. This is the one thing that I did not do before, and I have found has been very beneficial with a tighter budget. I save $2200 every month. It is a bill like all the rest, to me. I have to live on what's left after all the bills are paid, and that $2200 is transferred to savings. We save far more with this attitude. With much bigger incomes, we were used to saving "whatever was leftover," which may be 50% of our income. IT wasn't a bad thing. On one income, we find that nothing much is ever leftover unless we pay ourselves first.

Anyway, I am sure many SA bloggers will identify with this article!

Quicken helps me micro-manage my money in just minutes a week. I know the impression is that I am overly anal about my finances, and is probably true to a point in lower income years where I tend to have more financial goals than means to cover. When I need to make every penny scream! (& that would by most of my adulthood - we only were a 2-income family for a couple of years - lived on minimum wage before that).

BUT, for the most part, I don't really have an elaborate financial plan. Most of our frugal habits are just that - lifelong habits. Don't think about most of them, most of the time.

I can attest that it is pretty simple to manage your finances, by just setting a few big picture goals. You don't have to track every penny or have a budget to do the following:

1 - Make savings goals your first priority (pay yourself first). Manage goals around tax planning.

2 - Limit regular/recurring spending/contracts, etc. to x dollars

3 - Don't borrow for anything

4 - Strive for balance

If I could sum up my financial philosophy, that would be it. & it works.

#1 I was thinking about because someone asked in the forums how you decide how much to save. Something along those lines. Well, we sit down and figure how much money we need in the future, for x, y, and z, and save accordingly. Right now we need about $1200/month for short-term savings goals (property taxes, insurance, car repairs, vacation, dental visits, and EVERYTHING within the year that is not a regular monthly bill). We need about $5k per year for long term savings goals (car replacements and home maintenance being the biggies). 10% minimum to retirement. More is better, of course.

How we decide to save, what and where, is often influenced by tax law. I had to add that to #1. One day while discussing 529s, HSAs, IRAs, etc., my spouse tells me, "Why do you have to make things so complicated?!?" Ain't that the truth? Don't blame me for tax policy, but I will certainly take advantage. These days we try to put most of our savings into our ROTHs, due to our current income, retirement, and tax situation.

2 - #2 can be summed up as "don't live beyond your means." WE avoid contracts and limit our regular monthly expenses as much as possible. We consciously keep our spending low so that we don't base purchase decisions on our income. Due to low inflation, we have barely increased our spending over the years. Our health insurance used to cost about $1000 per year and now costs about $15k. We used to live on $45k per year before having kids, and now it is about $60k. We haven't really changed our spending, overall. (Not much we can do about the healthcare). In the interim we did buy things like daycare/preschool. Thing is we didn't *need* it, were not locked into any contracts, and would drop in a minute if we had to. Temporary expenses like that are always open for discussion. This year my kids will both be in school and our expenses are mostly same as they were a decade ago. We haven't increased our means for the long-term. That is just an example. Dh's future income would go to savings and one-time expenses. (Maybe nicer things, or a vacation here and there, but nothing that needs additional money to keep or maintain).

I suppose I bring up the healthcare thing because thank goodness we weren't buying a lot of other stuff - who knew it would get so expensive in a very short time. & literally, the rest of our spending has been rather stagnant over the years.

3 - Don't borrow for anything. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I have never borrowed a dime for anything. But it is a rare day when dh and I borrow money. At this point in our lives, I don't see ever borrowing another dime, again. (0% offers, credit card arbitrage and paying off cards monthly for rewards are fine by me. I just refuse to pay any interest on anything - or to borrow any money that I don't already have in the bank). Exception for us was first car in the $1k range, and our home because owning is way cheaper than renting around here. These are the reasons why. I would have borrowed a very small amount for college if I had to. I figured out other options instead, though. We are pretty debt adverse, which goes a long way to helping with #2 - keeping our expenses down. We don't have any payments in our budget. We buy what we have the cash for - that's about it. Makes it easy not to bite off more than we can chew. To make it work we have just bought a lot of really used things over the years.

Correction: We have a mortgage payment. Hardly count it because it is cheaper than renting. Don't get me wrong - don't plan to keep it forever, either.

P.S. The first car I bought (for $1500?) lasted 7 years, and my $10k public college education (yes - $10k for 4 years - if even that much) gives me the exact same career that a six-figure private degree would have. On the cars, we can afford a little more with every purchase. $1k, $5k, $10k, has been the progression. Cash paid for each one after the first.

4 - Balance is so important. I think this one comes easy to dh and I because we grew up in very balanced families. I think most people really struggle with this, but I feel grateful that we don't struggle with it too much.

An example? I completely agree that it is humanly possible to have a paid off house, very quickly and young. Even with the high cost of real estate here. Dh and I could have put our entire life on hold, he could have worked another 5-7 years, and we could have paid off our home before we had children.

Why would we do this? Where is the balance? Neither of us saw the point. When my dh found out he had a brain tumor at the end of 2009, he told me he had no regrets. If it was his time, it was his time. All he ever really wanted was a family. & he has his nice, little family. He has dedicated the last 8 years of his life to his kids, which is all he ever really wanted to do.

I couldn't help but think about what if we had just paid off our house and were about to start our family? What if we had a newborn? I think my dh would be facing this whole thing with a lot of deep regrets, personally. It's not as simple as "being debt free is the best thing ever." Every financial decision is about sacrifices. You just have to figure out which sacrifices you can live with and are worthwhile. Everyone has their own priorities to sort through. Though I think most our friends and relative would describe us overly-cautious, financially, they also have to admit that we have never put off anything that was truly important to us. We have both significantly put work on hold to spend time with our young kids. We bought our dream home when we were like 25. My spouse has all the time in the world to pursue his passions, without a job. (I just happen to get paid well for my passions). & so it goes.

Of course, the irony is that the more you manage your money, the less you ever have to think about it.

In the forums was an interesting question about working 2 jobs, and a lot of comments about work/life balance, etc.

I could see working 2 jobs to get ahead financially, but the key is the mindset. I could relate from the standpoint of how we approach our own finances.

Ideally, since I am married, we have 2 full-time jobs at our disposal (without working *too much,* either. I mean, obviously this differs from one person working 72 hours every week).

But the mindset is the same. If you rely on those two incomes, whether they are both your own, or one for you and a spouse, you are playing with fire. YOu are living up to an income that may not be sustainable. Obviously moreso if you do it all yourself. BUT, we have always taken the mindset that we will not always be healthy and fully employed. Odds are someone is out of work, some of the time, for endless reasons.

So, it's quite simple. Live on one income. Save the rest for a rainy day. Or save it to get ahead, etc.

I think the mindset was easy for me because I Was so used to living on so little during college. I couldn't even imagine living up to my first $30k per year job, much less the $100k or so we were making, combined, in a couple of years. I was intent on saving the difference and never having to live on so little means, again. We also knew we wanted children and wanted to take time off work to be with them. So it was easy to never consider the second income as "permanent."

I suppose this is somewhat the millionaire next door mindset. Nothing wrong with working a second job. IT's a GREAT way to get ahead, financially. BUT, getting so accustomed to it that you can't pay your bills without it, is kind of scary.

Our first income has ALWAYS been for:

*All Needs (housing, transportation, etc.)
*10% to retirement
*Saving for a rainy day

At the minimum, anyway.

Our second income USED TO be for:

*Saving 20%+ down payment on home
*Paying down a 15-year mortgage
*Extra to retirement
*Investing

Going forward, Our second income WILL BE used for:

*Paying down home rapidly
*More investing
*More retirement savings
*More luxuries

I can see us paying off the house pretty rapidly and having a lot more disposable income. What kind of luxuries would we buy? One-time luxuries, only. We won't be buying a nicer home or locking into any monthly contracts with more income. We may travel a bit more and buy more electronics. We may even buy nicer cars while dh is working (for cash). Thing is, if the second income disappeared, we haven't increased our lifestyle in a permanent way. A one-time vacation doesn't permanently increase your lifestyle. A car paid-for in cash doesn't matter when the income disappears.

That's the mindset.

I could see if I were single, working 2 jobs to reach the same end. I wouldn't do it forever, but a couple of years can make a HUGE difference to your bottom line. I would be VERY careful to not get attached to the second income. IF you get attached, it really just defeats the purpose. Then you just work work work with nothing really to show for it.

Before, dh and I both made the same amount of money. As my income has increased over the years, I think we will focus less on the first income/second income. & maybe more on the "first $50k" and "everything above that." We may have to change our thinking a bit, since my income is probably higher than we need, and his will probably be too low to cover the basics. For a while anyway. I think it's important to set a maximum amount for monthly/regular expenses. Health insurance aside, we could live on 2 minimum-wage incomes. I don't have any plans to increase our basic standard of living beyond that. Though I admit, that may be lofty in this economy (to believe we could both find work if we had to).

It's time for the annual update. We have officially hit 7 years on one income. Woohoo!

This was my update last year. Long but historical:

http://monkeymama.savingadvice.com/2008/09/06/six-years-and-...

Every year this anniversary carries less bravado. IT's less novelty and more "way of life," any more.

Plus, in less than a year, both kids will be in school for 6 hours a day. Working a job without never seeing each other and/or paying an arm and a leg for daycare will no longer be the obstacles to more income. IT will be like crossing the finish line!!!

The future brings many unknowns, so I am very glad that this is the case. I will feel much financial relief when dh is readily employable again.

I was discussing the FREE health insurance we just barely don't qualify for, for the kids, to dh. I mentioned how 2 $35k incomes hardly seemed a fair comparison to one $70k income and a choice for a spouse not to work. The two and black and white almost in comparison. Dh said, "Why? What difference does it make?" I said, "Um, because you could double our income very quicly, by returning to the workforce?" Duh!

Of course, I said many times, even in good times, dh has not been considered employable material. He applied for a slew of minimum wage jobs in 2005 and wasn't even considered for most. Which has been one big black cloud over what we thought was a very temporary situation. I can't imagine how the job market would treat him today!!!

SO I Wanted to post about 2 things. Where we were and where we are. & what dh's future plans are as we face both kids in school VERY soon. (I can't believe how fast this school year is flying by. I often catch myself saying, "Can you believe LM will be a Kindergartener, like tomorrow???" BEcause that is how it feels all of a sudden).

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I'll try to keep this part short. We are just trying to get back to our savings level at age 25, sad to say!!!

I took home $3400 per month. Dh took home $2500/month and we saved it all. That was 2002, when I first became pregnant.

We had about $30k cash in the bank.

I always put 10% of my pay to retirement. We usually put about 5k, or 10% of dh's pay, to IRAs.

In the grand scheme of things we were probably saving $20k per year, cash. Most of that ended up as a down payment on our current home. The rest to our modest cars, paid for with cash.

Since having kids we have moved backward, and are just trying to get back to this starting point.

This year was very fruitful. We refied our mortgage and now save $200/month on our mortgage payments. I VERY sad that our preschool closed, and that LM is stuck with only about 4 hours a week in schooling this year, but it has saved us TONS this year. We've kind of sped up the benefits I expected to see next year when done with preschool, etc. But it has made the year more trying in non-financial ways.

Today I take home $5500 per month. (Still short $400/month from our 2-income days).

Of course, this year dh had a banner year and will probably take home $1200 from ebay. Which is REALLY nice, I must say!

I save 10% of my pay to retirement.

This year, for the first time ever, we are funding our IRAs with current income. I have funded some with savings and gifts in recent years. This year we will hit $5k, from income, which is amazing.

$22k cash in the bank. GEtting there. Still in "catch up" mode.

We're saving about $5k per year to cash, which is ample going forward. We need to speed this up a bit until we "catch up." Then the excess will probably go to max out a second ROTH. It will be 2010 or 2011 when we are able to do so again, regularly, from income. Well, we have never put more than $5k to our IRAs, so that will be a first, and an improvement. & this year, already, we have exceeded our old retirement savings pace. Which is a nice milestone!

With the house in a very manageable state, retirement is really our priority going forward.

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Dh's plans? The world is his oyster, and as always, he struggles with direction.

However, he is bummed he can not really volunteer in the school this year since he has LM almost every minute of every day.

Next year he would like to volunteer a lot more at the school (which could possibly lead to low paying/flexible job opportunities). Though he'd do it regardless.

He has a minor in TV/film, which is really his "dream." He still feels he should probably update his education and that he should shoot for something higher paying. I don't particularly agree. I wish he would just follow his dream already!!!!

BUT, with the economy and all, and Kinder being such a transition year, he has talked about volunteering a lot more at the public TV station during the week. For now, he gives MANY weekends, and has many contacts there. But he wants to be very high profile and hope that it will help him get a job there eventually, when he is ready for full-time work.

I think he would LOVE working there, and it's very convenient. & I think a busy volunteer schedule would be good use of his newfound free time. Though if he told me he wanted a year to just do nothing, I wouldn't blame him. He has worked HARD the last 8 years.

In the meantime, one reason I Want to go heavy in cash is in case he returns to University. I don't think he will consider that until LM is settled in 1st grade. But better save those pennies just in case. We have a lot of public colleges in the area, so there will be many "affordable" oppurtunities. As the first time around, we have no desire to borrow for college. With any luck, we won't have to. Phew! IT's the kind of thing we are not sure we really want to invest in until the economy turns around. But dh needs any leg up he can.

I would hope that a return to school and/or a slew or volunteer work for his resume, will improve his odds of future employment. If the gap in his resume turned off minimum wage employers, I am not sure it will fare him well in his industries of choice.

Another idea would be do some temp work, etc. Which he will have TIME for. That would be for money only though. Really, a last resort. Though I guess worthwhile for skills and a foot in the door.

All things considered, we are easily looking at 2-3 more years on one income. But this year is nice as more options loom.

I was paying all the bills (for August) and all that jazz. Read some posts/blogs, and thought maybe I should update my net worth.

The good news? Net worth is about $220k. I think this is most definitely, officially, the highest it has ever been. (Referring to backwards slide of 2008!)

This also puts is up about $24k for the year, and pretty much at our annual goal. Still at the whim of the market, and murphy, and everything else. Will see if we can hold on until year-end.

Oh yes, MURPHY!

---------------------------------

August has not started out well. I am too depressed to post about my stupid, avoidable, big expense, at right this moment. But I will soon enough - like this weekend.

Of course, I remembered we had the same kind of setback last year in July - with all of BM's presumably avoidable cavities. Yeah!

To top it off, I was updating our excel savings sheets and everything and was feeling a little better (looking at our mid-term savings - cash to be used for stupid expense - balance was higher than I remembered). But was reminded looking at all that, that August was our Murphy month last year too. July was cavities to the tune of $2k-$3k, but August was quite a few major expenses as well.

So what is it with summer? Ugh!

I know a lot of my real life friends think we are a little crazy, kind of no-fun saving fuddy duddies who just want to be rich or something. Honestly, my goal has never been to be rich; just to be comfortable. For that we seem to succeed. If not for the ambitious saving goals we could easily drown in all the "unexpected" in life. But instead, we shrug it off and move on. THAT is financial freedom.

We will shrug off our August setback and move on. But I will gripe a bit along the way.

So I am allowing myself one last happy, "Yay for 2009" post, and then I will whine about upcoming expenses on a later post... *sigh*

Well, you all know that I work and my spouse raises the kids.

You also know that he loves himself some electronics.

What may not come across, even in in my blog, is that I don't think my dh could be more frugal or conservative. Electronics are like cars. If you buy used or wait for an older model, you can get a pretty significant discount. My dh pretty much buys NOTHING else. & I mean nothing. & he would save $50/month for 5 years to afford some electronic gadget if he had to. (He did wait almost 10 years to buy his beloved HDTV after all. It cost 10% of, and was of much higher quality, than the first one he badgered me to buy in 1999).

Anyway, gamecock's last post made me think. I realized that I think people look at us and think I make the money and my spouse spends the money.

I would not necessarily realize this except my own dad told me this the other day. LOL!

We were all out to dinner (when we treated my parents a couple of weekends ago) when my dad mentioned something or other about how he knew I was pretty anti-debt, and he had raised my well, but what about my spouse? Something along the lines of he likes debt or something.

I started choking on my food.

"Dad! Dh does not even like my 0% credit card arbitrage. *I* am the debtor in this family."

It was so funny to learn that was someone's impression because my spouse could not be more anti-debt. The only reason we have a mortgage is because he is more anti-rent than anti-debt.

So now I learn I guess. I've always got the impression that people who don't really know us think we are in debt up to our eyeballs, simply because dh stays home and we live rather well. I guess my impression was not that way off. Somehow my parents thought maybe we were in debt with my dh's spending habits or something.

Teehee.

It's just so funny because the truth couldn't be further from that impression. & yeah, I thought my parents knew us a little better.

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Anyway, yeah, my dh is the extreme anti-debtor. He might as well be Dave Ramsey.

He is also very anti-rent.

I have joked with him in the past that some of us have to live in the real world though. My dh has never been in a position to do anything but bank his entire paycheck. Yeah, not exactly real world. So, he is a little extreme even for my tastes.

His parents bought his first car. His parents paid for his college and let him live rent-free. Don't get me wrong, he has always worked very hard, but he has never had much in expenses. So as a teen and in college he worked and saved a ton. Then he married me and we banked his paycheck. So I would say he has never been in the real world, and it shows. He is an extreme saver, but I worry if he would have a clue how to budget. (Kind of a strange result).

As such, he would never take on a dime of debt. Which is noble enough. I know plenty in his situation who did not work, or who did not save a dime, and did go into debt. So I have no problems with his philosophy. I am rather anti-debt myself.

But my take is more of the "real world anti-debt" philosophy.

My parents did not buy me my first car and since I needed my car to get to work, I would say I had little choice but to finance my first car. It was "only" $1500, but it might as well have been $100k when I was 16.

I think this is probably where I come up with my personal one-year debt rule with cars. (Only buy something I could pay off within the year). I did have a lot of friends buy $20k new cars (& a lot of them wrecked their new cars). I figure I was young and a terrible driver (for lack of experience). The old clunker would do. I didn't want to start out life deep in debt. I drove it for 7 years.

So I understand it was a situation hard to do without debt. But I did pay off that car within the year.

My dh never would rent, but I was able to live in the most expensive city in the country for $400/month for a private room in a nice home. It would have made no sense for me to buy during my broke college years. So I am a fan for renting in the right circumstance. (I also house sat for 6 months before I rented). Dh had a free place to stay and all that but my parents had no desire to support me beyond 18 and frankly I couldn't live with them anyway. Love them; can't live with them.

I was lucky to get through college with no hardships, and was able to completely avoid college debt. But I do not sum it all up to luck. I chose a well paying career with a very cheap degree. There was a lot of thought put into my path. & no, I will never understand racking up $100k in debt for a job that pays $25k/year. People have seem to lost their minds when it comes to this area. & a lot of people have told me I am unrealistic to be so anti-debt. Well, no. My dad paid his way through college with no debt, and he really couldn't have been more poor. I managed to do the same. If you think it through and it is important to you (or you have no other choice like someone like my dad) well, you figure our a way.

I could very easily see an instance though where I would have resorted to debt. & I really wouldn't have a problem with that, because it would have been a small debt in comparison to my post-college income. I would have paid it off quickly.

But yeah, while most people believe it can't be done I was thinking "debt is not an option." I think you can sum a lot of it up to simply how you think.

Anyway, I have borrowed for more cars since my first, because my first car completely died just a month or so out of college. I probably could not have been in a worse financial position asset-wise. No debts, but no assets either. But I was starting to receive a decent income, so I borrowed $5k for a significantly nicer car, and paid it off within 6 months.

I paid cash for a car later on (downgraded to a older/safer car when I had BM - it only cost $1k and I sold my old car for $3k).

The last vehicle I bought was after we had both kids. I financed a small portion and paid it off within a year, though we could have paid cash. I did not want to drain the efund for a car. We bought the $1k car in the interim until we felt comfortable to buy the van. I drove that $1k car for 3 years. It was fine when we sold it for $500. We just wanted a bigger auto with the 2 kids and planned well enough for it. We didn't rush into it though we had the cash before LM. We wanted to wait and make sure the pregnancy went well and he was healthy, etc. Then we felt okay to spend the cash.

My dh on the other hand, bought his last car when we both worked. He paid cash for a pretty new car and so nothing in his mind has changed over the years. I have certainly had the worse luck (my car dying when I couldn't have been more broke. But willing to take on the debt because I had the income. If I had been still in college I would have gone for another clunker for much cheaper).

& then there is the mortgage. But these are the only things I have financed.

So there you have it. Dh is Mr. Extreme Anti-Debt and I am more "I live in the real world" Anti-Debt.

We bought a lot of really used furniture and appliances over the years. (As an aside how we have avoided consumer debt).

Now that we have built up some decent assets and income, no, I do not expect to ever take on debt again. We are also kind of straying from the very used purchases. It is a little Ramsey-esque. Standard of living just improves with time and stability. But if we had to take on debt, due to hardship or anything like that, I would just be careful about it. Dh simply thinks this would never happen.

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Anyway, yeah, you should have seen how insulted dh was by this impression. Completely and totally insulted. !!!

So yeah, I have to wonder how many friends are thinking, "poor Monkey Mama." How I slave away to support dh's expensive tastes.

(Truth is I love my job and dh takes care of the household so I have a fair amount of leisure. Dh does not run up debt, at all. No complaints here).

The only truth to that impression is dh is used to having a fair amount of disposable income. As such, I think he puts a lot of his purchases in front of saving more for retirement and stuff like that. I often joke I wish he had the same passion for his ROTH as his electronics. But yeah, he would never buy any of this stuff if it involved DEBT. So that is the funny part, that someone so close would even think that. I think some people do pick up on his priorities though. They are the priorities of the spoiled. One who is used to spending a very small amount of income on electronics and banking huge amounts in the bank.

& I am sure people who did not know us at all would think perhaps he is taking advantage of me. (Particularly people who do not understand how much work it is to run a household. I have no interest in all that work, so it works well for us).

& fact is, most of our financial stability comes from when he worked. So things are just not as they appear all the time.

Yeah, I got to go back to the one-income talks again.

I noticed something else from the direction of the discussion. I notice that if you can get your housing costs down (which we have done) in a HCOLA, you can do QUITE well.

There are a number of reasons why.

Because we grew up in such an expensive area (insane, really) we were always looking for ways to cut costs down. In college I shared a house with strangers. The $400 rent for the nice big private room in the nice neighborhood was a STEAL compared to the $1k price tag on a studio apartment on the wrong side of the tracks. (The primary renter had lived there for a long time with no rent increases, and she sublet a room to me).

Since I did have a private room and largely was gone 7am - 9pm between school and work, I never really had any roommate issues. Some of them were awesome, more of them were crazy. But even when I had time off I was generally home more during the daytime hours while they were at work. I always tended to work evenings and weekends - so it just worked. The roommates I didn't care for; I rarely encountered. Of course they were all older professionals and I was just lucky they let a college kid in. So they were pretty tame. I didn't have to try to study while there were wild parties.

& no I didn't lead deprived college years. I rarely took classes in the summer and always got August off work. I would go hang out with my friends who went away to college, on the weekends. I have very fond college memories and remember plenty of fun though I always worked very hard. My spouse and I met in college and also had many fun times together. You can work hard and not be completely deprived. I could have graduated sooner, yes, but didn't see the hurry either. My 5th year was my slowest and most fond year. I will never regret slowing down that last year before "real life" began.

Another example is when we looked into buying in San Jose it was because it was far cheaper than renting. The PITI was about 50% of the rent on the same place.

Of course, the best/easiest thing we did was move somewhere cheaper. But prices have been sky high even here, in recent years. We put a lot of money down, got a low FIXED interest rate, and all that. Before prices were sky high. It helps. We maybe bought bigger than most on these forums would, but from our perspective it was just a steal, and we know we have erased the possibility of "upgrade." I don't think we will ever move again but to downgrade our home, honestly. (Perhaps, in retirement).

So what are the benefits really? I think I may have touched on these before.

First, the wages are higher. So if you can keep your housing costs down, your wage will generally be higher than elsewhere. How many of you younger folk live in a LCOLA and have a $200k mortgage? Probably a lot of you. Since I live in a HCOLA and have a $200k mortgage, then I get to keep that much more of my paycheck. Because the wages are higher. (I think most of our friends would DIE if they knew how "small" our mortgage is. The common guess is like $300k-$400k).

Likewise, if you can manage to live off of one income, that second income is GOLD. My husband has not worked in 6 years and I have no doubt he could find a $30k - $40k job in a snap. If he were to suddenly go in search of full-time work. If he pursued a career, $60k-$80k would be pretty easy in a few years time. I know few without college degrees who make less, honestly. Imagine if an income like that was pure gravy. But those kinds of incomes are a lot harder to achieve in LCOLAs. In a HCOLA, if you don't rely on the higher incomes you more easily have a lot more to save.

Vacations - well I have mentioned this before. HCOLAs tend to be very desirable areas. We actually prefer to vacation in the state, which usually means a short drive and little expense outside of lodging. Plus our family has a cabin a near Tahoe. Reno, LA, Vegas, Oregon, etc., are all rather drivable or airfare can be found pretty cheap. Beautiful camping galore in our own backyard. This year we vacationed in Yosemite and LA (Disney and such) rather cheaply. We like to vacation elsewhere, occasionally, but we can get some pretty decent vacation fixes for pennies when the budget is tight.

College - when the discussion of college comes up you all lose me. Part of it can be the private vs. public school thing. But I have realized more and more with some of the discussions that a lot of it is our state. I try to remind myself not to gripe about our high state taxes. Our colleges are STEALS. Community college is pennies, and state colleges cost nickels and dimes. The UC system is very prestigious but extremely affordable compared to the private schools they often compete with. Plus there are a handful of excellent colleges close enough that our kids could live at home (or with relatives).

Things are changing and I am trying to be mindful and prepared. I graduated 9 years ago with under a $10k college bill for 5 years (all college costs; excludes living costs which I paid for working part-time as well. I Didn't need to borrow a dime). I am realistic and know my kids won't be so lucky. Competition for the public schools is fierce and I don't know if we can really go another 15 years without raising community college fees. (My understanding is the per unit cost has not increased in decades). But, overall, we have a pretty big advantage when it comes to education. Even if public school starts to get astronomically more expensive than they have been, it will still be relatively affordable compared to the numbers I have seen thrown around in the blogs and forums. Egads!!!! & I probably care less about private school because there are so many excellent public options here.

Oh well, there are also many downsides. Gas is more expensive here. Daycare and babysitting is sure as heck more expensive here. (I guess that's one more thing we save on though - not needing daycare). A night out feels like highway robbery.

Healthcare is definitely more expensive here. But you could argue that it is a wash. I have the wage to pay for the good insurance. So maybe in the end it is not that bad. Plus I get decent tax breaks since out health expenses are such a large percent of my income. (You can itemize health/dental costs over 7.5% of your AGI, which we are WELL above).

Yup, for all these reasons I do think we have it rather easy in some regards.

State sales taxes are high but most groceries are exempt. We don't consume much so we don't pay a lot in sales taxes. (Services are tax-exempt).

Property taxes here are actually very reasonable. Because too many would lose their homes if values kept up with real estate values. (Kind of another HCOLA edge. At least in this state. I can't believe some of the property taxes in other states). As long as you don't buy too much house, you can do pretty okay.

Insurance is sky high, but we have the income to cover it I guess.

So if you ever read my blog and my HCOLA rants, and you wonder why the heck I still live here. Well I guess these are some pretty good reasons why.

I do admit if we play the game right, we end up with a fairly large edge.

Oh boy, spending too much time in the forums. Actually, some of the threads I missed while gone were fascinating. The "who has the final say in your marriage" thread was actually cracking me up. But kind of sad all the same. You know, compromise. Those with strong marriages understand. You COMPROMISE. No one gets the final say all the time. I dare say that would suck. The inference that the spouse with the larger income gets the final say, really offends me. I guess since we have a long tradition in our family of a spouse who stays home. The spouse who stays home contributes plenty to the marriage, and I can't imagine ever telling my husband he has less say because he doesn't have a paycheck. I have told him, "If you want that you can get a job." Not because I have the final say. It's my way of saying we can not afford that and if it's that important to you, you know what you need to do. I am sure he has had to put me in check in some way in the past as well. It's nice to have someone to bring you back to reality when you have a crazy idea. !!

& if you have that much to disagree on, I guess I could argue you shouldn't be married. We have disagreed on a few major things, but marriage is give and take. If we disagreed very often on major things, I think I would question our compatibility. As is, our disagreements are sometimes rather shocking because they are so few and far between. You wonder, "Where the heck did that come from?" OR, "I had no idea you felt so strongly about that."

We sometimes just agree to disagree.

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Anyway, the other interesting thread was the "Do you NEED two incomes" thread. You have to understand that this is a pet peeve of mine because where I live I know a lot of people who make $80k-$120k and can not make ends meet. I am not talking about people on minimum wage, or people making $30k. Not even necessarily $50k (though I could support a family on that quite EASILY, personally. I have rather recently). But when you come across people all the time who can't make ends meet on a near six figure income. Oy vey! This is the group who can not distinguish wants and needs.

Anyway, I giggled at a reply (& not to pick on the poster - but yeah, made me laugh) that you can not possibly plan for things like a new washer/dryer, car repairs, or a new roof on ONE income.

& of course I think, "Why Not???"

I mean, you know I haven't had the best month or 2. We just replaced a $800 computer, are facing $1500-$2k in completely unexpected dental bills, and just had a $270 fridge repair.

But we had the cash to cover all things.

Why? Why did we have the cash to cover all these things?

Well, for one, these are not all surprises, and we save up for them.

But more importantly, we are not scared to buy USED things.

If my washer and dryer died tomorrow (the ones we bought in 2005 on ONE income - brand new). Well, it would be a little unexpected. So what would we do with such an early appliance death?

We would pop on Craigslist and pick up a used washer/dryer in a heartbeat. $100 easy if we were willing to go really used. Like our first washer and dryer we had for 3 years for $100. The dryer was fine when the washer died but it seemed like a good time to just go new. We could have spent $50 for another ancient washer that may have lasted a few years...

Since BM's recent dental bills were so entirely unexpected, we pulled from our future large expense fund. If we had too many of these "emergencies" we would go out and buy a VERY used car next round, instead of buying something newer and fancier.

It is this willingness to buy used that makes our budget VERY flexible. In the past buying used was the only way we could survive. We don't have very much new furniture in our house, and we have mostly had old appliances.

With time and raises and better means we find that we tend to go for the new stuff (& hope it lasts forever). But if we have to replace something unusually early, we will go *used* in the interim.

For now we are aiming to save about $5k/year for our next cars and for home maintenance. But if by some bad chance we have to use all that money for other things, or more for home repairs, then, well, we will just go buy a really used car the next time we need a car.

Rather than pay retail for our toys (the kids and all of dh's games he must have), we tend to buy them used.

If we needed some furniture we would go used. The old hand-me-downs and used furniture is just dandy though - it's not even on my radar as far as upgrading. (I guess particularly not with kids who like to destroy things).

There is a wealth of stuff out there that people bought and realized they couldn't keep, and turned around and sold the next day. "Used" does not necessarily mean used at all. What it really means is you can get brand new, or like new stuff, for a fraction of the price.

If you ask me, the difference between people who do not understand how to live on less income, and those who do quite well on one income, the difference I usually see is a willingness to buy used things or more to the point, just a willingness to think outside the box a bit.

I have a lot of broke friends who make good money and buy a brand new car every 3 years, like clock work. They just don't realize how much money they are losing on cars. If they truly understood they would do things very different. But their eyes glaze over when you bring it up. These are the people, from my experience, who whine the most that living on less is impossible. Well, yeah, of course it is if you buy TWO brand new car every 3 years!!!

Anyway, if you truly can not live on less money, don't take any offense to my ranting and raving. I have no issues with that. All I can say there is a lot of people out there who give the rest of you (in true dire straits) a bad name. I have no doubt many people can not survive on less income. So to them this whole thing is kind of moot.

I have mentioned many times, my dad came from a very poor upbringing. I have seen true poverty firsthand. When I think how my grandparents lived their ENTIRE lives and people with nice homes and cars whine that they are broke, it just gets old. I just think, "You have got to be kidding me."

Even my MIL is very jealous that my mother never worked. She said to my parents' one day, "I have ALWAYS had to work." Like, poor me. "I had to work to pay for all the vacations and private school (grade school and college)."

Yes, she seriously said that to my father who grew up dirt poor!!!

My parents and I just looked at each other and roll our eyes. My parents could never afford vacation (before I was maybe 16?). No one in my family has ever attended a private school. Pfffft.

What do you say to something so ignorant? All you can do is roll your eyes...

Somehow I survived with all the deprivation though. I actually grew up very middle class and had PLENTY. But yeah, when I compare my upbringing to the standard middle class lifestyle today, all I see is a lot of excess.

We have some of the same excess. We have plenty of excess. But I could just never imagine whining about my lot. I have never had to worry about food or shelter. I've always had plenty for that, and that's all that really matters. I also know I could support my family on a significantly lower income. I feel blessed I do not have to. But it is rather financially freeing to know I could, all the same. A lot of our lifestyle is just gravy, and I am fully aware of that, for sure.

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Oh yeah - I have already mentioned the other little known secret many times. When you have a lower income you have WAY lower taxes.

I seriously know MANY people who pull in six figures (2-incomes) who net less than we do after all their taxes. It can make that much difference. Granted, a lot of them get big tax refunds. But suggesting they give up large tax refunds to them means giving up their only source of savings. So yeah, that is kind of insane too. But how it seems to go...

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P.S. TOTALLY another topic but my investments that I did not check in Quicken all week, were up $100 when I downloaded stock prices today.

I am up $100 and world feels like it is ending. (I don't think your net worth generally increases in a depression. Oh yeah - but I forget the government is footing the bill here. UGH).

Oh boy...

It's that time of year where I reflect on the last few years, as we come up on the anniversary since my spouse last worked.

As of the end of September it will have been SIX years.

So that means six years of one-income living for us.

Honestly, from our perspective it is not that HUGE of a milestone, especially considering my pay raises through the years and such.

But in this society it is a huge milestone. Usually when I mention my spouse does not work, he is offered a job. That's how it goes. Our society does not seem to understand that for some of us, there is more to life than "work." That a paying job is not the be-all-end-all. (There is plenty of other important work in this world).

Anyway, we have zoomed ahead so far from where we started I thought it was important to share where we started. & for newer readers and such.

We always saved most of dh's wages. Early on it was the down payment on our home. Once we moved to cheaper lands and bought or dream home for pennies, then we looked at our pile of cash. Since we were teens it had been "save every penny for a house," because we lived in such a frighteningly expensive area. Then, when we were about 25 we simply gave up. The whole thing seemed rather ridiculous - working into our 90s just to pay a mortgage. So we moved somewhere considerably cheaper. We had been saving our pennies to upgrade from our $250k condo to a $600k (piece of crap) house. Saving for the 20% down.

After the move, we were both working and that cash was piling up. We kind of looked at that cash like, "what next?" Suddenly the one thing we thought we would save forever for, was off the table.

Talk about freeing!

Of course, many people around here might have thought to pay off our $200k+ mortgage. But, eh. From our perspective we had slashed our housing expenses considerably, for the rest of our life. The mortgage was nothing to us. I think we were exhausted from putting so much cash into our home, and ready to move on to bigger and better things. Our mortgage payment was a fraction of rents, where we were from. Our mortgage, at the time, just was barely a blip on our financial radar.

For us, we moved to the next item on our list - children.

We had only lived here a few months before we decided we were ready. There really wasn't much discussion about it. Everything we did in our young lives was in preparation for children some day, and when we were on stable financial ground we both just knew - we were ready. IT was literally like, "I think we are ready." "Ok." Kind of funny how we both agreed in an instant, but you see we were planning all along for this.

Anyway, I wouldn't say the reason we always lived off of one income was because we wanted children. The reason we always lived on one income was because it seemed fiscally dangerous to rely on 2 incomes to pay the bills. But the future thoughts of children, made us a little more committed to keeping our expenses down; knowing we wanted one of us to be home with the kids.

I wish I could say, today, that we we were coming up on 5 years of one-income living, but no sooner did we conceive our first child, dh was laid off from his job. This is why, at this point, it has been six years, though our eldest child just turned 5.

When we first made the leap and threw our birth control out of the window I was making $50k/year and taking home $3400 monthly. This easily covered all of our bills. Dh was taking home on average $2500/month and we were saving it. Our original plan was to save that for another 9 months. Plans are nice, but times like these is where I learned to hope for the best while preparing for the worst. I guess he did receive unemployment for a while. So it wasn't a total loss...

I was lucky. The day I told my boss that I was pregnant, he gave me a 10% raise. (He decided it was a good time to tell me the news). I also figured that our income taxes would be about $0 with the decrease of income and the birth of our child. So I was able to lower my tax withholdings by about $400/month. Between that and my raise, we were taking home $4k monthly, when BM was born. I was pretty much taking home what I had been grossing when we decided to take the leap.

This was an awesome start to our one-income leap. I had not expected any raises really.

When we first went down to one-income we had $30k cash in the bank. We had actually preferred to get this to $50k by dh working at least 9 more months. We were relying on our savings to cover some of the bills, and pregnancy seemed like a risky proposition, particularly with the pregnant one being the sole bread-winner. So, we actually weren't really pleased where our savings ended up. Dh looked for work most of the 9 months in order to bulk that up more; it was just a terrible time for the economy (2002). He never did find another job.

As such, we always looked at the one-income thing as rather temporary. If we were lucky, we could swing it until the kids entered school. We'd be happy with the first 2-3 years if it was all we could swing.

So, when we first went down to one income, we weren't really saving a ton. Don't get me wrong, I was saving for my maternity leaves and all that, and we rarely tapped our cash savings. BUT retirement had left the table. Dh's money had always funded retirement and we felt okay to let that go for a few years. We had a good start. (I always respected people who didn't want to take that kind of financial leap to be home with their kids. Sometimes I am surprised we did - as fiscally conservative as we tend to be).

We were also very lucky that the kids were so close together. If we had our wish, we wanted them 2 years apart. Of course, didn't expect to be so lucky in the least. As much as we REALLY planned our children, we were always very aware that our plans were subject to a higher blessing. So when our second child arrived exactly 2 years later, I felt like we were doing something right. Both the kids were born in summer when it was slow at work and I could take months off. It all just seemed to go as planned.

I also continued to get 10% raises every year. So things started to get easier.

Of course, during this time, our brains went out the window. I remember at times as this anniversary passed, thinking, "Phew. Maybe we will make it one more year." But instead of saving my raises once we had our second child, we started to spend it. I think honestly we were just tired of living on a shoestring. We had done it many many many many years, and we let loose a little bit. Which was fine. But I think also we figured we saved so much of dh's money before kids, and would save so much after the kids, what was the harm in taking a break?

I don't know if there was much harm inflicted, but in 2006 we started to look at things differently. We had our 2 kids, and it was time to look at our next goals. My pay was increasing astronomically. For the first time, as we looked to our future plans and considered our next steps, now that we had the 2 children we wanted, it occurred to us that we may find the same financial security we used to, before kids, on ONE income. Imagine that. It had never really been a realistic goal in the beginning so the thought hadn't crossed our minds. But looking at my pay raises, it was something to consider.

So we decided to pretend/assume like dh would NEVER work again, and get our financial house in order.

It was around then that I joined pfadvice and this is where I am today. (Coming up on 2 years here).

Looking back on the last 6 years...

The pluses:

*My gross pay has increased 50% since BM was first conceived. My take-home has increased 60%.

*Our net worth has continually climbed all this time. From the $100k range to the $200k range. So we are chugging along. We'll be ages 31/32 by year-end.

*I never imagined we would afford things like preschool, on my income alone.

*The Bush tax cuts extraordinarily reward young couples with large mortgages and kids. There are many years we paid no income taxes, some years the government paid us to have kids (refundable child tax credits) and today only about 8% of my gross goes to income taxes (both federal and state). I am not a fan of the Bush cuts and know we will pay this back tenfold down the road, but the timing was VERY helpful for our one-income years.

The negatives:

*Our health insurance went from $100 monthly to cover just myself to $750 monthly, this year, to cover the fam. One year our health premiums went up 40%. (When we turned 30 - ugh).

Sometimes it feels futile. All the planning and preparing to get where we are just to be slammed by insane health costs. This is honestly the first (one-income) year it hasn't given me great stress. We had a small premium increase for 2008. It was nice to get a break from this monster. Many of my large raises have been eaten up by healthcare expenses. But then you just have to be grateful for the large raises to cover them...

*I had a lot of unpaid time off during the 2 years I had my children. So those were some large income hits as well.

*We can't cover dh for disability. I think this is the greatest injustice I have come across for one-income families. Just because my spouse takes a few years off of work does not mean it would not be of great financial consequence to us if he were to become permanently disabled.

I have the feeling coverage is hard to come by because it is such a likely scenario (disability is far more common than death for people our age).

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This year is interesting though because we have passed a few milestones that have increased our current standing greatly.

*As of 12/31/07 I completely vested in my employer's retirement plan. It is completely funded by my employer and 10% of my pay is deposited every year. Suddenly the years we ignored retirement don't really matter. I have always had 10% set aside! (I just didn't rely on that at all before vesting. But now that we can rely on it, it is a huge leap for our financial standing).

*My spouse has never had a problem making money on the side, but with sleepless kids and the stress and strain of infants and babies and all that comes with that, we have largely given up relying on even a small side income. BUT this year is different. I notice a change in myself now that I consistently get a good nights' sleep, and the kids need less constant care. & I certainly notice a change in dh (the primary caregiver to the children). HE is making money this year. & it makes all the difference. He has not made this kind of money since 2002. Though he was unemployed the 9 months before BM was born, he made in the realm of $3k doing video work and such, since he had nothing else to do really. I look forward to getting back to that. $3k is a lot of money and we can use it. I can foresee him pulling that kind of cash in for 2009.

*Childcare is WAY less of a consideration for us going forward. LM just turned 3 AND BM just started public school. Any care the kids need I can pretty much fund from my income, at this point, which makes dh working another job is for the first time, rather feasible. Without doing insane things like working opposite schedules. (Something we have preferred to avoid all these years).

At one point it would have cost $2k/month for care for the kids. Today LM full-time where he is at would run $600 and BM's care would be very minimal, after school. (& I could probably work from home and watch him anyway. He needs less constant supervision). But even minimal care for holidays and such, I could certainly swing from my income.

So this year is an interesting turning point, for ALL of these reasons.

I feel like we are largely on track financially, actually. Last year we replenished our emergency fund and this year we started saving up $5k, annually, cash for future purchases. Something else we largely stopped since having kids.

All else being equal, we are in a good spot. Moving forward I feel like we have our bases covered and our savings is on a good pace. We are contributing $100/month to our retirement, in addition to my 10%. (Last year was only $50/month and I hope to double it to $200/month, in 2009).

This year we will put aside $5k for future expenses.

The kids are nearing $10k in their college funds. (ENTIRELY funded by relatives, BUT it's one less thing for us to worry about).

& life is good.

BUT we still have a lot of catching up to do. We should have much more than $3k in the bank, and a lot of unexpected items have popped up this year, making it harder to make our $5k goal by year-end.

(Sure we have the emergency fund but to us that is a catastrophe fund. So we need a lot more other cash savings to keep it a catastrophe fund, as planned).

Reminds me, I would prefer to grow the emergency fund a bit as well, from $12k to $15k.

So, for now, I think our long-term financial success depends on building up our cash fund. I feel like we have about 5 years of missed savings to catch up. Because that is really what it comes down to. We haven't saved much the last few years and we feel the pinch in that regard.

So that is the long and the short of it all.

Looking ahead is good. We have little plan but to save all of my future raises. We are happy with our lifestyle where it is at. For now we know it is "slow and steady" for us. Which is an adjustment because we are used to saving "fast and furiously." We've never really saved any other way. So this is very weird and new to both dh and I.

So we are adjusting to the slow and steady concept, and hoping our health insurance allows us a little left over after future raises.

I know I have a $300/month "raise" coming in 2010 when LM graduates preschool and goes to public school. So we are counting on that to bulk up our cash and/or retirement.

I will probably have my own raises from work as well (3 more raises by then).

When we run the numbers, sometimes I think it is possible to max out our IRAs and stay on track with all of our other financial goals, by the time LM starts 1st grade.

It's kind of ironic, to wait all those years for dh to return to work, and then as we approach it to kind of think, nevermind. There's no need.

If we can max out our IRAs? (On top of my 10% retirement contributions from work?) & meet our other financial goals? (Saving enough to avoid any debt?). There really would be little point in dh working. If he wanted to work, all I can envision is paying down the mortgage very rapidly and/or starting an early retirement savings fund (taxable investments). Maybe cut our health insurance expenses, with benefits.

& it is exciting to think, if he does work, that we could go back to our fast and furious savings. It would all be gravy.

But I think it's even better to think that we could possibly set aside 25% of my gross to retirement and continue to avoid debt, on my income alone. That would be quite a milestone, and yet it is starting to feel within reach.

Not much to report here.

So I figured I'd go off on a tangent, though it is largely related to our approach to personal finance.

It has struck me lately that the blogs and forums (here and elsewhere) are full of talks about how impossible it is to have both kids and financial freedom. & a lot of the times these discussions tie in with how impossible it is to balance motherhood and a career.

I guess I am saddened to see, for all the strides women have made over the years, that so many women still feel they either have to work or stay home. There doesn't seem to be much consideration of some sort of middle ground.

Likewise, through all the discussions I realized a few things about myself.

For one, I don't really identify, for the most part, with young working moms. I have always identified more with older people, and I guess funny enough, that still holds true as I age. I think I identify more with older childless women. More than younger women with children. Mostly because I just can't take all of the "I am miserable" and the "I cant's." More on that later...

Likewise, I am tired of reading how one spouse has to sacrifice everything when you have children.

Don't get me wrong, having children is not an EASY road. We have certainly had our moments. We have certainly sacrificed some amount of freedom we had before kids.

But when I look at our lives I don't feel like dh and I particularly sacrificed much for our kids. My dh is degreed and has much work experience. He is perfectly capable of standing on his own financially. Likewise, he gave up a career he hated and got the guts to pursue his starving artist pursuits. Something he was far too practical to do before we had kids and he was home anyway. I encouraged him many times before kids to quit his job and pursue his dreams. Having kids gave him the guts.

Likewise, having children was more his dream than mine, and he does quite well with them. I got to keep the job I love. & yet I have plenty of time for my children because my spouse does so much to take care of the house and such. My experience is largely that of a very involved working father. I'm generally not worried about the household or how my children are taken care of. I know they couldn't be in better hands. & I know dh is much better with the raising them than I would be. It's just much more his *thing.*

Thus, we play to our strengths and neither of us has sacrificed very much in the process. There is certainly compromise, but there is always is compromise when you share your life with someone. Or when you bring other people into this world.

Of course, our life could be better and more balanced. Probably anyone's could be, but it gives us something to strive for.

Anyway, I share all this because not only have I noticed all this chatter on the internet lately.

BUT this topic came up quite heavily at the kids' birthday party. Whereas when the kids were infants we found plenty of peers home with their kids, we are starting to feel like a dying breed. At the party almost every mom there had announced that they had returned to work rather recently. & they all commiserated with each other greatly. Going on about their 20-hour days between their inflexible jobs and not-so-helpful husbands.

Then they all kind of looked at me in pity. "Poor MonkeyMama, she has done this for FIVE years!!!"

& my response was, "Huh?"

I just don't identify with their plight in the least.

I have concluded, for the most part, that people assume my spouse is a leech who does nothing. He is a man after all. & I am often quite insulted at what people have to say. But it's like, wait a minute, my spouse is home full-time taking care of the household and the child rearing. No, thankfully, I have not lived your miserable existence for the last 5 years. !!! If so I would have gone quite mad by now.

Of course, on the flip side, as we pass the ages where daycare is no longer more expensive than a second income, we have discussed the future and reveled in the idea of a second income to save. At some point down the road anyway. A lot of the times we look to this route quite cautiously, knowing it will bring great stress and work. Much more than we are accustomed to. We also champion the money we save with a spouse at home and are well aware a second income will have its share of expenses.

But spending a day with those moms? I am happy to stay on our current path. The second income just doesn't sound so grand, if that is the baggage that it comes with.

I told dh whenever I was down about our own financial situation I just had to spend 2 seconds with those moms. OR just about any working mom.

In comparison, both my spouse and I have plenty of joy and leisure in our lives. I am not even entirely convinced we have that much less money. LEss money, yes. But THAT much? Not really. The taxes on that second income always make me cringe. I know it will be much harder to stick to a tight budget when you consider a second commute and the loss of all that time shopping for deals, etc.

Anyway, in recent months I made a not so conscious decision to exit out of the mommy crowds. A lot of it was just the rude RSVPing and all that I had griped about. But I kind of just realized, I just don't really identify with the other moms. I think I am tired of them all pitying me as a working mom. IT just gets old. Who said I needed any pity? Likewise, I am tired of hanging around so many people who are just absolutely miserable. & my conclusion is that most moms are absolutely miserable. IT's kind of sad to say. I have been making an effort to hang around with my less miserable mom friends. & it has been a lot nicer. They are out there. Just harder to find.

But yeah, if nothing else. I am not sure I Can get across that I never had to pack up my children for daycare or communicate to another caregiver outside the household what they needed. I understand this an extremely unique position to be in. Likewise I Don't have to spend my evenings prepping them for the next day or whatever. Our evenings are for fun. Dh takes care of the work they need during the day.

You could argue I am lucky to have such a spouse. But it works both ways. HE is just as lucky to have me.

& I think I mostly put this out for the "independent" women of the world who are scared having children will ruin their lives. You know, it just might if you sacrifice your own happiness or principles in the process. But there is not only 2 ways to do things. There are a million shades of gray in between. I think that is what happy moms realize and practice. So I just had to share.

I am one mom who is not miserable in the least, and though children have set us back financially, I still think it is quite possible to do quite well financially, even with children.

I think if nothing else we have both give ourselves much more permission to slow down and enjoy, now that we do have children. & there really isn't anything wrong with that. IT is rather freeing. IT's kind of nice we can slow down, enjoy, take on much more financially, and still do okay, in the grand scheme of things.

For the last month dh has been buying/selling stuff on Craigslist. Stuff like Wiis and Nintendo games. He's also sold quite a few games on ebay.

Anyway, last week was a HORRID Wii week. Not sure what was going on. BUT dh sold his old projector and have me the cash to replenish the checking account. So I figured I'd leave him be. He had two Wiis to sell and he can do whatever with the money.

This week has resumed to normal. Dh sold one Wii in a snap yesterday and just listed the other one.

With the sale of that Wii he broke even, and he expects $300 for this one (maybe more) since it has a lot of games and extras).

So with the sale of the Wii yesterday, he officially broke breakeven.

Plus he expects $40 from ebay this week. In addition to the $300+ potential from the second Wii.

Which means he has raised enough to buy his own Wii. I think when he finds that "awesome" deal he will snatch it up. Plenty of people listing them for $200. For now, he thinks he will wait to Christmas.

Then we will officially own every game system known to man (just about).

------------------

Dh admitted that he wanted to help fund the ROTHs and all that kind of stuff.

BUT he told me over the weekend he needed some cash from the ATM to buy a new system.

I thought I had been entirely fair taking the projector money and calling it even (he probably owes me $100-$200). But the reason was I was sick of him pulling money out of the cash account.

So I said, "What the hell?" Pretty much.

I said whatever because he had already arranged the purchase. The only thing worse than him buying MORE stuff was backing out of a deal - I thought that was rather rude. But he backed out.

I had a realization though. I am not going to be a nazi over his money. Our money is most definitely OURS. But as I am the ones who manages it, and earns it, there is probably some very small level of unfairness there. I am scrutinizing every dollar. & though I would say I am fair, I don't really have to answer to anyone as much as dh ends up answering to me.

So I made a mental note last night just to let it go. I guess I can make a verbal deal with him. If he doesn't pull any money from the checking account any more (meaning he has to wait for his $600 of stuff to sell before he starts snatching up more things. There will ALWAYS be deals). As long as he doesn't bug me, I won't bug him.

I will strongly encourage him to think about funding the kids' college or our ROTHs, with some of his profits. But it is something I can just casually mention once in a blue moon.

It's kind of a catch-22. There is nothing really fair for him to have money to spend willy nilly. He had approached me in the past about this. I said if every dime he made was play money than I made $60k play money every year. (Take home pay - LOL). I was just like - I don't think so!

But I think he is a little extra motivated to have some extra money for fun, and though I don't agree with him having side money for whatever (I don't get side money for "whatever."). Though I don't entirely agree, he has a lot more "whatever" he wants to buy. & it is less about the money and more about him just having some more financial autonomy. Something he largely gave up staying home with the kids.

I can see the value in that and give him some breathing room.

& honestly it puts a LOT of pressure off of me. I don't have to fit all his crap in my budget. LOL.

I guess marriage is compromise...

I think really it's the kind of thing I just won't even bring up for a while. BUT if he has $1k sitting around in cash I may have something to say. LOL. But I actually have a mostly empty savings account that is perfect for that as well. I will mention that to him. & if his profits reach "x" I think it is fair to start allocating a percentage to savings or something. But for now I think I will keep mum and see where things go. & if he volunteers to help with the savings, etc.

He is even keeping track of his income and expenses so I am very pleased. (Not that I mind doing that stuff, but I kind of enjoy not mothering over the whole thing).

I think this is the birth of dh's new business venture...

& if he can pull $300-$400/month??? That's quite an income boost.

----------------

In other news, I got all my MLM crap up on ebay and with 4 more days to go it is already up to $50!!!!!!!!!!! I was hoping for $100-$200. So I am stoked how well it has done. I expect it to bid up a lot in the last minutes. I am not quite sure why it has so much bidding already. I guess I am hopeful that means I will realize $200. We'll see...

-----------------

Ugh. 110 today. Hope I don't melt.

Well I don't have much bad to say about the MLM I belong to, as far as my approach to it anyway. It is a very simple side income stream.

BUT I had a friend who wanted to sign up and was gathering orders in an attempt. She changed her mind (which is very fine with me - my recruit number to date is 0 and I have little desire for one. Though I would get some sort of commission. I also have no interest at "working" at this. I am merely signed up for the discount. I stay on for the easy money).

Anyway, she sent me her orders yesterday. I popped online to see if stuff was still available.

& I got the lovely message that my account had been DEACTIVATED.

What the heck?

I called my person and she hadn't a clue. I told her if they had sent me any e-mail warning or anything like that, it was probably lost in my sea of junk mail. I did peak through my deleted e-mails for the week (I was just on there last week) and didn't see anything, though a few missed personal e-mails. Makes me wonder how much I miss!)

Anyway, we chatted and she told me there was no reason she knew of why I would be deactivated.

She told me to call the corporate office.

I don't even know what my ID# is - I have it stored online.

I am just SO peeved.

So, let's put it this way, my days of MLM may be over. I am not really sure it is worth to effort to figure this out. Honestly. But what a way to leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I'll call, but if they give me any hassle, I am out. Fine, you don't want my business? Whatevah!

--------------

I am extra bummed because that was an easy $100 profit that just fell into my lap. *sigh* I may be able to have my person buy the stuff for me, as a last hoorah, and I may be able to pocket the profit. But then I guess my days may be over.

Honestly I spend way too much on jewelry anyway. I was going to quit in 2005 but I kept making my quotas even once I stopped trying, so it's been like, whatever, I'll stay. I hoarde way too much jewelry though. If I am cut out I have a pile of wares to sell on ebay. That's the plus! (Of course, not allowed to sell my wares on ebay while a consultant. But this changes things).

Along the same lines, dh is going crazy over buying used games. He said he found a pile of 12 games on sale for $40. He jumped on it - he said he could sell them on ebay for hundreds.

I am actually pleased. I have been waiting for dh to pick up a side income stream for a LONG time. I get tired of being the one working full-time and making all the side income too.

Anyway, he has MUCH more time now (with the kids in school a solid 2 days a week). So I will give him that. I am glad he is making himself useful. It looks like there could be a decent income stream in this direction.

Of course, on the flip side, this also has a lot of tax ramifications. So it's not pure profit. & this would take significant more work to track than other income sources. But it's still worthwhile.

With the free time he is also putting feelers out for film projects. They are largely unpaid, but the networking/contacts are invaluable.

I admit he is really busy on family projects - weddings and reunions to edit.

& don't even ask the status of our own home videos. It's like the shoemaker's son who has no shoes.

Well, as we move past the expensive months of April & May, summer should be pretty good to us. (I hope!)

June is our last payment to our mortgage where interest exceeds $1,000. Woohoo! Our July interest payment is $999.99 (something like that - hehe).

Psychological, yes, and little more. But it is still nice.

Dh told me he is waiting for our principle payments to exceed the interest portion. Agreed, but so that is so long in the future I have to find something sooner to get excited about. We also drop below the $200k balance in 2010. So that will be cool too. Another psychological advance...

Of course, as usual, looking at it - I am tempted to throw $50/month to the mortgage, extra, next year.

I talked myself out of it for now.

Another $150/month would really put us at our goal to pay off in our 40s. Quite simple really. BUT doesn't make much sense for now.

The other thing about this summer is the stimulus check (which will help greatly) and the removal of one child from the ever expensive preschool.

So summer seems like a turning point of sorts, for us financially.

As of summer I hope to have:

*Replenished the $1k I unexpectedly owe the IRS and sucked out of the emergency fund for now.

*$3k balance in our mid-term savings (which has been 0 for a while).

*Contributing $315/month to our ROTHs. (bumps our retirement savings to 15% from 12%. Phew).

I really hope to have another $100/month raise come next year to allocate to the ROTHs and get to the max for one roth and about 17% income to retirement. From there I think it is a good spot and we will just try to increase it 1% a year. (Minimum anyway. Certainly more if we have bigger raises or windfalls).

*Up our short-term savings from $900 monthly to $1k monthly, which really should suffice to cover more of the unexpected things (like a similar IRS bill).

So I would say our retirement and short-term savings should be in pretty good shape come summer.

As tempting as it is to earmark a token $50 to the mortgage, I know we really need to focus on getting our mid-term savings up to snuff. My goal is to save $5k this year, but we have some catching up to do AND I will barely squeak by this but for the help of a large stimulus check.

Of course, I also just remembered the other competing want is college money for the kids. With BM our of expensive preschool I had considered saving $50/month for that.

There's only so many directions it will go. But I admit that is probably where the money is best spent, for now.

Short-Term Savings up to snuff
Retirement up to snuff
Work on BM's college money

I guess all I can hope for is a really decent raise next year so I can put some more to mid-term savings as well. We have cars to save up to buy and home maintenance to save up for.

Dh may consider some temp work with the kids in school. I am not sure we are hot on the idea right now, but the option is certainly nice. It could significantly help the cash savings. (For now is working on a movie script and a movie which I rather him do now while he has some significant child rearing to do. BEcause lord knows I will be pushing for more income if we are not doing better when LM starts public school. Just giving him the space to do his thing for now).

Getting there, but still a ways to go...

Getting so close to where we were before we dropped to one income... That part is nice. I don't think we expected to get back to this point, so soon, on my income alone. & I am excited as we near this sort of crossover point where we are so close to getting back to a larger measure of financial security.

We've done without a lot of savings and retirement contributions and a lot of things as we slowed down to raise kids. I didn't exactly imagine with time we would find a way to have our cake and eat it too (so soon anyway). Our lifestyle for now is far cushier than I imagined it would be when we made sacrifices for our kids. For that I am extremely grateful.

& I am certainly enjoying!

The idea of putting $5k in a ROTH next year is DIVINE. To me, that is luxury.

Second incomes: twice the work, half the return:

http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/CollegeandFamily/Loveand...

I actually came across this article yesterday and thought it was quite EXCELLENT.

Probably all of my thoughts/experiences in a well written article. I mean seriously, I could have written it. Though maybe not so well.

It was just on theme with my post yesterday so had to share.

Of course this article was in terms of families with one high wage and a low wage. BUT we found much to be true with 2 mediocre wages. Dh and I made equal wages when he decided to stay home.

So though the logistics were a little different for us, we came to much the same conclusion.

I particularly like th last paragraph:

"Also on the bright side, discovering that a second income really doesn't contribute much financially can free a spouse to learn new skills, go back to school, pursue an unprofitable dream career or launch a home-based business that may pay little during the first few years. If you're going to work for free, after all, you might as well enjoy it."

Which sums up our thinking beautifully. Dh hated his job, and he wasn't going to stay. I think financially this was much preferable to getting used to a second income that could not be sustained indefinitely.

I realize with time that I don't think we could have timed having kids any better, or that we would have ever been in a better spot to have one of us stay home with the kids.

We graduated college at age 22/23 and worked a few years, saving considerable dollars. Never lived up to the second income, as we didn't expect to have one forever.

We had our first child at 25/26. Dh just turned 32, and he has been home almost 6 years. He will probably return to the workforce, maybe go to college first to update his degree, in his 30s. Plus he already has a degree and a decent amount of experience, which is worth something. & yeah - so he returns to work at 35 or 40 - still has a good 20-30 working years left. (He actually worked 12 years before kids and is eligible for social security benefits as well - so kind of sweet timing there).

I can't imagine establishing myself in a career and working hard many years, and then trying to have kids. I think that way is a hard road, though it is now the norm. I also can not imagine having a kid much younger or before having a degree or some savings. So I think somehow we hit some sweet spot, in he middle. Took some planning, but also quite by luck.

So anyway, I don't think dh would have had the guts to really examine his career otherwise. I remember before we had kids he talked much of going back to school to get an emergency teaching credential (the state of education at the time meant desperation for teachers). I encouraged him many times to QUIT his job and pursue teaching. I told him if he was going to make a move like that, then was the time. When we were young. He just never could do it, no matter how supportive I was.

I remember he was concerned about teaching wages too and I asked him if he was out of his mind. I said, so we'll save $30k/year instead of $40k. YEah, I am really worried about it. (Not).

Anyway, so old habits die hard. Dh said something the other day about pursuing some high wage job. If he wants to because it is something he loves, then sure, I am all for it. More money is good. But his parents have it pounded into his head that you hate your job and make more money. (I find this ironic since my dad loves his job and makes more than the 2 of them combined. Obviously I prefer my parent's philosophy - do what you love). There is a lot to be said for not being miserable AND having money too.

So anyway, he said something just the other day along those lines. I said, huh? Honestly, I prefer he make less so it doesn't all go to the IRS anyway. I think ideally he would make a smaller wage. & that fits in great because he wants to be an artist. So go for it. I wonder how many struggling artists out there wish they had a sugar momma like me. & instead dh struggles and struggles with what to do.

Plus, if he is going to work full-time and make a comparable wage, hell if I'll see the point to work full-time. But when I say this out loud, we fight. He has it somewhere in his head that we need to make a ton of money, though mostly he knows better.

Well, we'll work it out. I was actually surprised the other day when he said he wanted to pursue a $70k-$80k job. I said, great, I can cut back my hours then. & I was surprised when he didn't like this. I did point out that would put us at an insane tax bracket. IF he was happy and wanted to make money, great. But that then I didn't feel as much need to myself. But I know when the time comes if we have this debate we can run the numbers.

I have no desire to live in a 2-full-time-working-parent household. BLECH. Talk about stress.

--------------------------------

Of course, on the flip side, we are entering a time of great transition. Of course we have agreed it makes no sense to work with small kids and with insane daycare expenses, etc.

But the playing field is completely changing for us this year. Big Monkey starts public school in the fall. I am already paying full-time daycare in total dollars for the two to attend part-time preschool. So in theory, dh could get a full-time job and we could save his entire take-home pay, with no changes to our budget.

I have to say it is incredibly freeing.

Of course, we have no desire to put our child in full-time daycare. But I have brought up the subject, that we could put him in M/W/F and dh will be incredibly freed up all of a sudden. From having had 0 free time a year ago (well beyond nights and weekends, which are always very exhausting to both of us), suddenly dh can easily have the potential to have 3 free days a week.

Of course, on the flip side, we received BM's school calendar and there are a million days off. On one hand, I have a flexible schedule and I was prepared for some of it. But they decided this year to shorten summer by a month and take like every Friday off for the year. I looked at this calendar thinking, you have got to be flipping kidding me.

& as usual, though most of the year I could share much more in the care of kids, I have greatly reduced time and flexibility during tax season. Which is the bane of our existence for now (will be incredibly freeing in the long run as I could feasibly only work part-year, etc. But with kids it complicates things GREATLY).

So, we decided to kind of just bide our time and wait and see how things go.

I say this will be transition time for the next 5 years. Where care of the kids is still of great concern, but at least we can move pass this 24/7 care thing.

& in 5 years at least the kids won't need a babysitter every second of every day. When I think much of this becomes moot.

Dh's worked on a very promising movie project and made some great contacts, but has kind of hit a wall when it comes to selling the movie. He is quite confident he could sell it and recover the costs, but the screen writer/brainchild has already turned down a good offer, which would have recouped the costs (doh) and doesn't seem to have any true desire to sell it. Plus he moved out of the area. So dh is very frustrated. The other promising contacts he made are dropping like flies.

Anyway, don't ask me how he made these contacts. I think he did a lot of this when I was on maternity leave with LM. So I told dh the other day. I said, you know, you have 2 free days a week now. Get out and meet some new people, work on some NEW projects.

He just seems to need that push sometimes.

So he is. He really wants to work on writing his own screenplay so he can do his own movie and then have control over it. But he's kind of stuck on that. Anyway, he is considering taking screenwriting classes at the community college. He is also looking into a group that meets weekly on screenplays, though he is finding they focus much more on plays than movie scripts. However, he thinks he will give it a whirl and practice on a play.

The other funny thing is he is getting some attention for his writing abilities. He writes a lot of skits and some professional group just performed one of his skits - he won some contest. So I have been encouraging him to go that angle.

I think dh's biggest problem is he likes to live in a bubble and he doesn't want to leave that bubble. I have told him many times that I would be willing to move closer to LA so he could more seriously pursue his dreams. I brought it up again because with house prices on the slide, it may actually be doable. I have always wanted to live in San Diego, and look at those home prices slide. !!!!!

BUT he is just dead set against it. I remember back to how it is amazing I got him to move to Sacramento. He is extremely adverse to change.

So, that's his thing. He has to figure out how to make it work then. I guess there is a fair amount of work in San Francisco, and a budding local film maker scene. So it's not a lost cause. At least we don't live in the middle of nowhere.

But yeah, we will enter a time of transition. I think he will take a year or 2 to pursue his hobbies more vigilantly, now that he will have considerably more time.

I think from there he will seriously pursue going back to college, if not much comes of it. Get a major in film (update his minor) or maybe even pursue teaching. For now he doesn't seem to have much more direction than he did 6 years ago. Which worries me a bit. BUT I understand he hasn't been able to make a lot of progress with full-time charge of the kids. That I *get*

So I am hoping this is the catalyst for change...

I just want him to be happy. Which seems a very impossible goal at times. *sigh*

I am not sure what more I can do though. IT's in his hands at this point.

I am also optimistic that my income will be pretty sustaining in 3-4 years time and that I could really care less what he does at that point. Ideally. I expect to be maxing out our ROTHs and have all of our bases covered, really in about 3 years. LEss depending on more income, more thinking that I will pay for less childcare. If I paid $0 for childcare we could max out today. So I really expect overall to be in a good spot in a couple of years.

For now, life is still a little stressful on one income. But we are definitely moving into a whole new realm. & that is rather refreshing. Phew.

YEah, I know I have said that I am very relaxed, and long past done preparing for the holidays. I chalk it up to just not playing the game; not buying into all the hype...

But there was something I didn't admit. My spouse stays home and he has done tons to prepare for the holiday. Which really lessens my load greatly. I had him pick up some gifts during the weekdays. He is busy trying to sell some things online for extra cash. IT has been so busy at work I have been having him gas up my car (I just take his when mine gets empty, etc.). HE ran 4 bags top Goodwill for me yesterday (HAllelujah - tax deduction). Lord knows when I would have found time.

It's like having a Christmas Elf doing a lot of my work for me.

Anyway, I read and hear too much about a lifestyle like ours being deprived. Pinching pennies so a spouse can stay home is deprived. I think back to my depression-era grandparents and I would hardly call our life deprived. I wouldn't dare even think it. But when you look past the things, it is so much more than things. Does it really matter if you have the latest and greatest stuff, if you can just slow down and take it easy? I'd rather take it easy any day.

So that is another piece of my relaxing holiday that I just haven't given much credit to. My dh rocks!

You can see why we are trying so hard to not ever rely on a 2nd income again. At all. In no way, shape or form. BEcause really, this is the life. We don't want to both work as long as we have kids who need us. Really what it comes down to. When the kids are grown... We may both work full-time. It's just such a different ballgame with small kids. I feel like we work 10 times as hard sometime, even though only one of us is getting a paycheck. Who wants another full-time job on top of that? (Oh I am sure plenty of people do. It's just not us).

I think dh is excited too because with the kids going off to school he can have more time to pursue some of his hobbies. I know he is somewhat jealous I get to go to work (because I enjoy it so much) and interact with adults every day. But he'll get his time soon enough. & I think he deserves that break. (Plus I know the kids will keep him plenty busy for many years to come; in various ways).

http://biz.yahoo.com/brn/070208/21029.html?.v=1&.pf=real-est...

Interesting article and applies to a lot of what is going on in California.

I guess we already made the move with no equity and that was a pretty sweet move. I can imagine with our equity it would be even sweeter. Where where where is the neverending question.

Brings up a good point of salaries not always being parallel to housing costs.

Also brings up the point that home equity is mostly tax-free money. I am well aware in a state where if I won $1 mil I would only get to keep half of it, that that equity money is extra lucrative from a tax standpoint.

I would do it again - move somewhere cheaper. Odds are we will sometime again. Now is just not the time for us. Today we stand that we are happy with our home, our job, our friends, our locale, our proximity to family. So even with $400k tax-free equity, it just isn't that lucrative, and having seen the equity rise and fall I am not too attached. But I wouldn't be surprised is we reach a point in our life where we are ready to move. We kind of left it as something to discuss when my boss retires. See what my options are, where we stand, how well we could be if we moved, where our family is as they all are itching to spread out anwyay, etc. But in the meantime the talks are off the table, we are happy and staying. But I know it will come up again down the road.

Came across a really good site.

http://www.hughchou.org/calc/

Anyway, I came across this site while still perusing the pay mortgage vs. invest conundrum. The funny thing is the more I look the more I See pay pay pay. Quite interesting. But like I said I have a long while before I will have money to pay mortgage or invest so whatever. LOL. I tried working on a spreadsheet but got a headache. Very complicated. Plus I didn't have all day.

BUT perusing this super cool site I found a link I had seen before and lost. A VERY excellent 2-income calculator.

http://www.hughchou.org/calc/dappen.cgi

I think overall it is a little biased in that it does not consider all the stress of staying home all day and watching kids (which can make you shop more too). & also does not calculate the longer-term affects of taking a big career break!!! But overall I think it is a really good calculator for anyone on the fence of staying home, or planning for the future. I like it because the taxes are reflected pretty accurately, which is BIG and often overlooked. & then all the other little things that can really add up.

Anyway, when I do the calculator with taxes and daycare alone it isn't very pretty - add all the incidentals and we are clearly in the red. Or we could focus on trying to bring home some extra income, even have one of us work minimum wage nights and weekends, would be better off. But that is 2 kids in a very high COL area with a spouse whose earning potential is $30k-$40k. Eh, just so not worth it no matter how you slice it.

& I know plenty of people who are way ahead on 2-incomes and like it like that (generally 2-high wage earners. Way better of financially working often times).

But I am happy I found the calculator and could share. IF you are on the fence or not sure, could help.

Yeah, the IRS has a withholding calculator and I Recommend it to people all the time. It is a lot easier than figuring out a W-4 schedule.

BUT I had been thinking I should probably get 14 exemptions and I was thinking of pushing 16 on my W-4 this year. I always get a big state refund ($1500 or so) and I figure easier just to claim more fed exemptions, pay the balance with my state refund on April 15th. Plus I know all the tax laws and can monitor it to make sure I don't hit the penalty for underwithholding, which I wouldn't at 2 measly exemptions at 15%. Means I may be underwithheld $1k, but there is no penalty for being under $1k or less due at April 15. & state refund will no doubt be more than what I owe.

Anyway, I went to IRS Calculator to see where I was at and it said 12. My own calcs as I already said were 14. I thought maybe I Should just leave it 14. But I did my tax return (a draft anyway) and did some planning for 2007 and still came up with 14. The IRS I have concluded is CONSERVATIVE. They want your money. So just know that - LOL.

They say 12, I claim 16 - take that. 14 would be pretty break-even, a small refund. So 16 just kind of keeps me under penalty and I rather earn interest all year...

My boss always gives me the eye when we are talking about exemptions in seminar - it cracks me up. 4 personal exemptions, $20k easy in state taxes and mortgage, health insurance galore (some of it deductible) and the child tax credit for 2 kids, plus only 1-income, makes a lot of exemptions. No one around here is claiming so many exemptions because they either have a 2nd income or they rely on big refund checks. I Swear I haven't hardly owed a penny on April 15th in years. But it is funny, 16 is the highest yet, he is probably wondering about me. This is the most I every have pushed it. But I will keep an eye on it. If I get a raise I may move it to 15, or lower it later in the year as I monitor it.

I calculate I may be able to squeeze another $40-$50/month with this increase AND our state disability rate actually just went down. Will save me $11/month. & wala, I have my new health insurance premiums covered with or without a raise.

Still praying for a big raise to make my savings goals easier this year. Waiting waiting waiting, couple of more weeks. But is nice to know I am in budget regardless.

ETA: I forgot to mention I get a decent bonus in May where way too much is withheld which is also why I feel comfortable under-withholding a tad. It makes up for that measly bonus I get once 40% is taken out - blah. LOL. I usually keep 90% of my checks and have a right to 90% of that one so it just annoys me to no ends, this is how I battle it... I swear I will probably get a small federal refund for 2007 if I count that.

Was lazy today:

$52.17 cash for 2006
- 1.08 BK Lunch
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$51.09 remains
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I tend to do a $1 lunch every week so I thought today was a good day because it was Wednesday.

My dumb plan for the week was hosting a get together at my house thursday. I did not intend to serve dinner, and chose this option to avoid a $10 - $15 dinner. Oh well. Now I am buying pizza instead due to pressure - LOL. & then all the birthday presents - my word. Oh well, I like my budget to be flexible - so I will probaly chalk this one to eating out & I do have a gift budget. I just did not foresee using it this month or next and was going to use it for christmas instead!!!!!! But oh well - who knew october was such a birthday month! For now I will lump it where I can, just means less gift buying an eating out this month.

Ahhhh, the daycare thread is still being beat to death but on my drive to BK I was pondering something I didn't even thing about. With my first son I drove home at lunch every single day to be with him, and then he napped every afternoon from 1-5. He's a sleeper. I had no idea how good I had it of course - LOL. Another reason why the mommy wars perplexed me. So I don't see my son from 8-12 but I see him before nap and when he wakes up, does he notice I am gone 8 hours a day? Not really!

& then this was the son who we felt at 1 may be ready for preschool or daycare if hubby wanted to get a job. OF course my second son threw us for a loop. I Was lucky CA had a new law at the time and I got 12 weeks paid home. Disability - not full pay - but enough to get by. & then after all that I had to work PT 3 months because he refused to drink from a bottle. & then I had PPD issues and I just could not work full speed again until he was about 6 months old.

I look at him today and I can not imagine putting him in any care - he is such a "baby" still at 15 months. HE is not even walking yet. My older son was just the difference of night and day. At 1 he was like a 2-year-old. At 3 he is like a 5-year-old. I am guessing my baby is on par for being a normal baby, but the whole thing is weird, my other son fast forwarded through this stage so fast. I had no idea there was this stage between "baby" and "full blown toddler."

& sleep? Ha! The baby does not sleep.

Anyway, I have always felt more guilty working with this baby because I no longer have the time to go home at lunch. I have a lot more responsibility, and gas prices have been crazy. & he doesn't sleep 1/2 the day away so I miss so many waking hours. Ah, but I get them all back in the middle of the night! ; )

Anyway, I just throw this out to those of you planning ahead for children down the road. Plans are nice but inevitably your children will put a wrench in your plans. LOL. Guaranteed. ; ) My husband and I keep saying when he turns 2 our daycare options will be much greater and cheaper, etc., etc. But frankly, will he be ready for that? At this rate, no. But we'll work it out I guess. That's why I am here and cracking down on my budget. We have been doing just fine, but saving and getting ahead, not so much. I am starting to envision we will do the 1-income thing longer than we planned, so trying to get to a point where it just doesn't matter. Where that 2nd income is pure gravy. BEfore it was going to be retirement, but now I am trying to squeeze that out of my own check. But I know we will make it work.

Well, I could go on and on all day about the advantages of having a man who stays home while the woman works. (For 1 - maternity leave is pretty awesome - kind of like vacation with both of us home).

But I just found the big downside - vasectomy!!! It's like 5 days of no lifting - yeah right with a baby. I Am just hoping we can squeeze it in this year. I have 3 days vacation and we'll make it work. But I keep thinking to all the men I know who were back to work in 1 day. & then I think - duh - most office jobs don't require heavy lifting like my hubby's job does. Blech. Big baby boy is 25 pounds and not walking yet, so I got to stay home a few days with the kids.

We'll work it out. I just really wanted him to take care of this this year, because I wanted to switch to a high-deductible plan Jan. 1. We just can no longer afford our premiums. In the meantime, I will call and ask how much the procedure is. THey told him today it was only $250, but I find that hard to believe. IF that's it, piece of cake, we'll be saving $300/month with reduced premiums. I find it hard to believe because that is what they charge us NOW for any procedure. I think he was misinformed. ; ) Then again, as a preventive measure - maybe. Costs them a lot less than a pregnant woman I guess...

Oh anyway, he went to an info meeting on it tonight, since he finally called the hospital, etc. HE came home pretty whiny and I am afraid to say I Wasn't very sympathetic. After doing the birth control thing for many years and giving birth twice, eh, I think I have done my duty. I am actually just about doing the happy dance that the responsibility is shifting and I can throw the birth control out the window.

I am working on my budget and I am just planning for the worst when it comes to medical. Maybe we will be paying the big premiums another year. If he can't get the big snip now, it will be next summer earliest.

Anyway, I read on here about using Quicken and budgeting in Excel, but it just seemed kind of silly. Anyway, I was researching spreadsheets today for work and I started getting distraced by all these personal budgeting spreadsheets. After looking at them a little closer I started seeing the benefit. I think I Will give it a whirl. Dh is gonna go crazy because I started entering all of our grocery items more detailed, etc. I swear all I do in my spare time (what spare time?) these days is budget, invest, etc. Oh well, but I like it. I have done budgets in excel before, but I guess over the years our finances have just got so dang complicated. So I am working on a budget for next year - just putting something together, will be tweaked as we go for sure. In the past I just used round budgets, and I budget enough in my head that I always know where we're at, and we neevr spend more than we have. BUT, I need to get a "down to the penny" budget written down that we can stick to, and so we can work on our savings a little more.

Monthly budgets are nice, but I keep getting thrown off by the one-time expenses every year. So I am working out some all-inclusive monster budget. We'll see how it goes. ; ) Then I can track our progress each month. But I really look forward to seeing the big picture. (Or maybe not...).

Dh has been taking the grocery shopping thing pretty seriously. HE has been stocking a lot on sale, and though we rarely buy brand names, the few things we do, he is coming home with generic lately. Hope this helps the bottom line... I got a bunch of Target coupons and think I will go stock up on some things as well. A big investment this month, but worht it down the road.