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Doing What You Must

September 30th, 2014 at 07:46 pm

I *love* this post from My Money Blog.

Must, Should, and Financial Freedom

Text is and Link is

"Should is how others want us to show up in the world — how we’re supposed to think, what we ought to say, what we should or shouldn’t do. It’s the vast array of expectations that others layer upon us."

"Must is who we are, what we believe, and what we do when we are alone with our truest, most authentic self. It’s our instincts, our cravings and longings, the things and places and ideas we burn for, the intuition that swells up from somewhere deep inside of us."

"When reading biographies and interviews of notable people, those who made seemingly bold decisions often remark that it really wasn’t. They just did it. It was a Must. I always wonder if it was also scary for them.

That's kind of an interesting point. I am a very intuitive person and I personally don't struggle with bold moves. If it feels right, then it feels right. I can't NOT do it, if it feels right. So I can relate to that. When I look back on my life, I don't remember the fear about the bold moves. There was always a benefit or reward to look forward to.

The initial article that My Money Blog refers to was in regards to career and doing what you love. MMB referenced it as far as financial independence being his passion.

I think the "musts" apply to everything in life.

I was reflecting a bit on this anyway, as dh and I's anniversary just passed. I am so blessed that my parents married very young and were always very supportive. But that's about it. I'm hard pressed to think of any other support to our quick engagement (at 19).

Of course, I can think of many many examples on the "should" versus "must":

--The gender role reversals in our marriage. Life is infinitely easier when you can simply play to your inherent strengths, regardless of your gender.

--Parenting. I think parenting is one of those things that has been an incredible experience as far as fine-tuning one's instincts. Things seem to go fairly easy when we listen to our instincts. Doing what everyone else thinks we should be doing is a recipe for disaster.

--Career choices that I have made trusting my instincts and knowing myself.

I actually completely ignored my CPA employer who was horrified I did not accept a job offer from Arthur Andersen. You may remember Arthur Andersen, Enron's accounting firm. Of course, 15 years later I can look back and just roll my eyes about how melodramatic she was about the whole thing. Good thing I had the confidence to take her advice with a grain of salt. (I turned down the AA job because the culture was not the right fit for me and because it was not the career trajectory I wanted. It's possible she didn't freak out on me until after I turned down the job. Phew).

I could go on and on and on, but will leave it at that.

3 Responses to “Doing What You Must”

  1. CB in the City Says:

    I was told by a psychologist that whenever you say "should" you're in trouble -- setting up judgment, unrealistic expectations, etc. I like the "must" concept. I do what I MUST do, too.

  2. creditcardfree Says:

    I read that article from MMB, and it was a good one. Yes, 'should' is a judgement in most cases. I can roll my eyes at my MIL and her views about various topics and she uses the should word...I might actually be more open to listening if she just didn't use that word!!!

  3. rob62521 Says:

    You sound like a person who knows one's mind and therefore can make sound decisions based on that. What a blessing! You have made wise decisions and you can look back on them and reflect how they have helped you get where you are.

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