Here's a long one:

I think the Daycare post was getting beaten to death, but I wanted to share a little more about our situation, because it got me thinking. Obviously, I think people should do what is right for them - they have to live with their choices. & I Say obvious because my husband and I have taken on some pretty untraditional roles. The interesting thing about it though is when we made the decision for him to be a SAHD years ago I always imagined we would get a lot more flak. The only flak comes from his family who can't seem to get past that it works for us. In the mainstream I have mostly encountered admiriation more than anything. Well to our faces, who know what is said behind our backs. LOL. But I know too many women who stay home and never catch a break. & of course they are in awe how much my husband takes on. Not just that but how much we help each other. I can't entirely understand what he goes through, but I know it is not easy, and we do what we can to help each other out.

But yeah, how our situation evolved was that he REALLY wanted kids and I don't think I particularly cared either way. I never really wanted kids, but knew he did, and for him I Would do anything. But I told him all along if he wants kids he could stay home with them. I am not an idiot, and I know it is not easy to be home with the kids 24/7. I think a lot of my feelings came from having a SAHM that was miserable. She never enjoyed being home or having kids, that was clear. & her being miserable made us miserable. For this reason I would never judge someone's choice to work. For some people their kids are better off for it. I know my kids are better off because I work.

Anyway, we always discussed this scenario, and as things evolved, I chose a career I loved whereas my husband chose a career his mom chose. I made clear I refused to stay home with kids if he hated his job. I was unwilling to give up my wonderful job for us both to be miserable. I think he just said what I wanted to hear for a while, yes dear. though clealry I Was right. LOL.

Anyway, before we moved to a less expensive area my husband talked of quitting his job and getting a teaching credential - more of his dream job. I really encouraged him but he never had the guts.

We ended up moving to a new area so that we could afford a house. I found a job right away and he supercommuted for quite a few months. We decided we were ready for children and I think we both thought the other was gonna stay home. As much as we both knew he was the better choice to stay home I think society was getting in his way - he was not feeling good about this choice.

Anyway, someone/something outside of our realm had to smack him. He lost his job the week I got pregnant. He insisted he was going to find a job which led to many fights because it was all in the name of manliness and it really pissed me off we would have to settle on a 30k income at a job he hated when I was doing quite well at a job I loved. Plus images of being just like my mom flashed through my mind. I was not happy in the least.

In the end he never found a job, thank goodness. The first year was pretty tough but has gotten easier with time. I think the worst part was we had just moved where we knew no one and that has been really hard. The support for SAHDs is pretty nil. Over time we have found a lot more supportive parent groups and dh has been working on more and more of his own projects, meeting more people, etc. I truly hope he uses this time to settle on a career he enjoys. I know his mom thinks it is the worst thing ever, but why not follow his heart and his dreams when I Can provide everything else? I am not sure what her deal is. I provide for the family quite well and have ample disability and life insurance to provide should something happen to me. Plus I truly believe he will have the potential to bring in far more income doing what he truly loves than doing a job he hates. In the end that kind of stuff works out. For example my MIL thinks teaching is the worst career. As a second income it would actually be quite WELL for us. The benefits are great and 30-40k would be more than plenty on top of my salary. Plus the flexible work schedule would be invaluable - no after school daycare, etc.

Anyway, that is the long and the short of it. I had no idea though when we made this decision how great it would be for our family. I am so proud every day at the amazing relationship my sons have with their father. IT seems like the best of both worlds to me. I went back to work with my first after 7 weeks and he was fine. We had that mommy/baby bond that just is there no matter what, and in the meantime he has developed just as an amazing bond with his father. & my younger son I took 3 months maternity leave with him. HE needed more time. But both times I had friends just overwhelmed without any help. I have no idea what it is like to care for a newborn all alone. My husband was there with me 24/7. It was a wonderful experience, and glad I had that time with my older son as well. & then back to the real world my husband does the grocery shopping and cooking. & if I Want a night out or a weekend away he is not scared to watch the kids. & when I get home at night I take the kids off his hands and get my time with them too. I guess I know too many moms with un-helpful husbands and I could not imagine. Overall I feel pretty spoiled...

Oh yeah as far as not wanting kids - I was INSANE. I think motherhood is the most amazing thing. If I had to be a SAHM Today I think I could do it. I Wasn't so sure the first few years, but the idea doesn't scare me as much with 2 kids strangely enough - it's more interesting. But for now it works. I think we are really looking forward to when the baby turns 2 and we have a lot more part-time daycare options. Then I wouldn't be surprised if my husband got a job OR went back to school. I Think HE will be a lot happier to have a more regular job outside of just being a daddy. But we've made it over the hump, and just a few more months until our options widen... Overall my husband has done much better with the toddler stage than the infant stage. I think overall men just don't do babies. That is one thing we have really learned - some gender roles hold true - hehe. But regardless how much he enjoyed it, he has done very well raising both boys thus far. In our situation I think it has worked out far better than any other option. & yeah I am glad I was pretty dang stubborn about what I wanted from our relationship. I think we are both a lot happier for it. As hard as staying home has been, he really doesn't whine any more than he did when he worked. LOL. But he is still trying to decide what he wants to do with his life and what job will make him happy. I think that is more important than anything. & me sticking with my career and him staying home has left him with a world full of options, he just needs to decide what he really wants. If the roles were reversed I think he would pick the job that paid the most, regardless of his happiness, and I don't think anyone in our family would be nearly as happy today. Oh yeah except his mom. Ha. But where would that leave us? Gotta do what you gotta do for you...