Not much to report here.

So I figured I'd go off on a tangent, though it is largely related to our approach to personal finance.

It has struck me lately that the blogs and forums (here and elsewhere) are full of talks about how impossible it is to have both kids and financial freedom. & a lot of the times these discussions tie in with how impossible it is to balance motherhood and a career.

I guess I am saddened to see, for all the strides women have made over the years, that so many women still feel they either have to work or stay home. There doesn't seem to be much consideration of some sort of middle ground.

Likewise, through all the discussions I realized a few things about myself.

For one, I don't really identify, for the most part, with young working moms. I have always identified more with older people, and I guess funny enough, that still holds true as I age. I think I identify more with older childless women. More than younger women with children. Mostly because I just can't take all of the "I am miserable" and the "I cant's." More on that later...

Likewise, I am tired of reading how one spouse has to sacrifice everything when you have children.

Don't get me wrong, having children is not an EASY road. We have certainly had our moments. We have certainly sacrificed some amount of freedom we had before kids.

But when I look at our lives I don't feel like dh and I particularly sacrificed much for our kids. My dh is degreed and has much work experience. He is perfectly capable of standing on his own financially. Likewise, he gave up a career he hated and got the guts to pursue his starving artist pursuits. Something he was far too practical to do before we had kids and he was home anyway. I encouraged him many times before kids to quit his job and pursue his dreams. Having kids gave him the guts.

Likewise, having children was more his dream than mine, and he does quite well with them. I got to keep the job I love. & yet I have plenty of time for my children because my spouse does so much to take care of the house and such. My experience is largely that of a very involved working father. I'm generally not worried about the household or how my children are taken care of. I know they couldn't be in better hands. & I know dh is much better with the raising them than I would be. It's just much more his *thing.*

Thus, we play to our strengths and neither of us has sacrificed very much in the process. There is certainly compromise, but there is always is compromise when you share your life with someone. Or when you bring other people into this world.

Of course, our life could be better and more balanced. Probably anyone's could be, but it gives us something to strive for.

Anyway, I share all this because not only have I noticed all this chatter on the internet lately.

BUT this topic came up quite heavily at the kids' birthday party. Whereas when the kids were infants we found plenty of peers home with their kids, we are starting to feel like a dying breed. At the party almost every mom there had announced that they had returned to work rather recently. & they all commiserated with each other greatly. Going on about their 20-hour days between their inflexible jobs and not-so-helpful husbands.

Then they all kind of looked at me in pity. "Poor MonkeyMama, she has done this for FIVE years!!!"

& my response was, "Huh?"

I just don't identify with their plight in the least.

I have concluded, for the most part, that people assume my spouse is a leech who does nothing. He is a man after all. & I am often quite insulted at what people have to say. But it's like, wait a minute, my spouse is home full-time taking care of the household and the child rearing. No, thankfully, I have not lived your miserable existence for the last 5 years. !!! If so I would have gone quite mad by now.

Of course, on the flip side, as we pass the ages where daycare is no longer more expensive than a second income, we have discussed the future and reveled in the idea of a second income to save. At some point down the road anyway. A lot of the times we look to this route quite cautiously, knowing it will bring great stress and work. Much more than we are accustomed to. We also champion the money we save with a spouse at home and are well aware a second income will have its share of expenses.

But spending a day with those moms? I am happy to stay on our current path. The second income just doesn't sound so grand, if that is the baggage that it comes with.

I told dh whenever I was down about our own financial situation I just had to spend 2 seconds with those moms. OR just about any working mom.

In comparison, both my spouse and I have plenty of joy and leisure in our lives. I am not even entirely convinced we have that much less money. LEss money, yes. But THAT much? Not really. The taxes on that second income always make me cringe. I know it will be much harder to stick to a tight budget when you consider a second commute and the loss of all that time shopping for deals, etc.

Anyway, in recent months I made a not so conscious decision to exit out of the mommy crowds. A lot of it was just the rude RSVPing and all that I had griped about. But I kind of just realized, I just don't really identify with the other moms. I think I am tired of them all pitying me as a working mom. IT just gets old. Who said I needed any pity? Likewise, I am tired of hanging around so many people who are just absolutely miserable. & my conclusion is that most moms are absolutely miserable. IT's kind of sad to say. I have been making an effort to hang around with my less miserable mom friends. & it has been a lot nicer. They are out there. Just harder to find.

But yeah, if nothing else. I am not sure I Can get across that I never had to pack up my children for daycare or communicate to another caregiver outside the household what they needed. I understand this an extremely unique position to be in. Likewise I Don't have to spend my evenings prepping them for the next day or whatever. Our evenings are for fun. Dh takes care of the work they need during the day.

You could argue I am lucky to have such a spouse. But it works both ways. HE is just as lucky to have me.

& I think I mostly put this out for the "independent" women of the world who are scared having children will ruin their lives. You know, it just might if you sacrifice your own happiness or principles in the process. But there is not only 2 ways to do things. There are a million shades of gray in between. I think that is what happy moms realize and practice. So I just had to share.

I am one mom who is not miserable in the least, and though children have set us back financially, I still think it is quite possible to do quite well financially, even with children.

I think if nothing else we have both give ourselves much more permission to slow down and enjoy, now that we do have children. & there really isn't anything wrong with that. IT is rather freeing. IT's kind of nice we can slow down, enjoy, take on much more financially, and still do okay, in the grand scheme of things.

For the last month dh has been buying/selling stuff on Craigslist. Stuff like Wiis and Nintendo games. He's also sold quite a few games on ebay.

Anyway, last week was a HORRID Wii week. Not sure what was going on. BUT dh sold his old projector and have me the cash to replenish the checking account. So I figured I'd leave him be. He had two Wiis to sell and he can do whatever with the money.

This week has resumed to normal. Dh sold one Wii in a snap yesterday and just listed the other one.

With the sale of that Wii he broke even, and he expects $300 for this one (maybe more) since it has a lot of games and extras).

So with the sale of the Wii yesterday, he officially broke breakeven.

Plus he expects $40 from ebay this week. In addition to the $300+ potential from the second Wii.

Which means he has raised enough to buy his own Wii. I think when he finds that "awesome" deal he will snatch it up. Plenty of people listing them for $200. For now, he thinks he will wait to Christmas.

Then we will officially own every game system known to man (just about).

------------------

Dh admitted that he wanted to help fund the ROTHs and all that kind of stuff.

BUT he told me over the weekend he needed some cash from the ATM to buy a new system.

I thought I had been entirely fair taking the projector money and calling it even (he probably owes me $100-$200). But the reason was I was sick of him pulling money out of the cash account.

So I said, "What the hell?" Pretty much.

I said whatever because he had already arranged the purchase. The only thing worse than him buying MORE stuff was backing out of a deal - I thought that was rather rude. But he backed out.

I had a realization though. I am not going to be a nazi over his money. Our money is most definitely OURS. But as I am the ones who manages it, and earns it, there is probably some very small level of unfairness there. I am scrutinizing every dollar. & though I would say I am fair, I don't really have to answer to anyone as much as dh ends up answering to me.

So I made a mental note last night just to let it go. I guess I can make a verbal deal with him. If he doesn't pull any money from the checking account any more (meaning he has to wait for his $600 of stuff to sell before he starts snatching up more things. There will ALWAYS be deals). As long as he doesn't bug me, I won't bug him.

I will strongly encourage him to think about funding the kids' college or our ROTHs, with some of his profits. But it is something I can just casually mention once in a blue moon.

It's kind of a catch-22. There is nothing really fair for him to have money to spend willy nilly. He had approached me in the past about this. I said if every dime he made was play money than I made $60k play money every year. (Take home pay - LOL). I was just like - I don't think so!

But I think he is a little extra motivated to have some extra money for fun, and though I don't agree with him having side money for whatever (I don't get side money for "whatever."). Though I don't entirely agree, he has a lot more "whatever" he wants to buy. & it is less about the money and more about him just having some more financial autonomy. Something he largely gave up staying home with the kids.

I can see the value in that and give him some breathing room.

& honestly it puts a LOT of pressure off of me. I don't have to fit all his crap in my budget. LOL.

I guess marriage is compromise...

I think really it's the kind of thing I just won't even bring up for a while. BUT if he has $1k sitting around in cash I may have something to say. LOL. But I actually have a mostly empty savings account that is perfect for that as well. I will mention that to him. & if his profits reach "x" I think it is fair to start allocating a percentage to savings or something. But for now I think I will keep mum and see where things go. & if he volunteers to help with the savings, etc.

He is even keeping track of his income and expenses so I am very pleased. (Not that I mind doing that stuff, but I kind of enjoy not mothering over the whole thing).

I think this is the birth of dh's new business venture...

& if he can pull $300-$400/month??? That's quite an income boost.

----------------

In other news, I got all my MLM crap up on ebay and with 4 more days to go it is already up to $50!!!!!!!!!!! I was hoping for $100-$200. So I am stoked how well it has done. I expect it to bid up a lot in the last minutes. I am not quite sure why it has so much bidding already. I guess I am hopeful that means I will realize $200. We'll see...

-----------------

Ugh. 110 today. Hope I don't melt.

Well I don't have much bad to say about the MLM I belong to, as far as my approach to it anyway. It is a very simple side income stream.

BUT I had a friend who wanted to sign up and was gathering orders in an attempt. She changed her mind (which is very fine with me - my recruit number to date is 0 and I have little desire for one. Though I would get some sort of commission. I also have no interest at "working" at this. I am merely signed up for the discount. I stay on for the easy money).

Anyway, she sent me her orders yesterday. I popped online to see if stuff was still available.

& I got the lovely message that my account had been DEACTIVATED.

What the heck?

I called my person and she hadn't a clue. I told her if they had sent me any e-mail warning or anything like that, it was probably lost in my sea of junk mail. I did peak through my deleted e-mails for the week (I was just on there last week) and didn't see anything, though a few missed personal e-mails. Makes me wonder how much I miss!)

Anyway, we chatted and she told me there was no reason she knew of why I would be deactivated.

She told me to call the corporate office.

I don't even know what my ID# is - I have it stored online.

I am just SO peeved.

So, let's put it this way, my days of MLM may be over. I am not really sure it is worth to effort to figure this out. Honestly. But what a way to leave a bad taste in my mouth.

I'll call, but if they give me any hassle, I am out. Fine, you don't want my business? Whatevah!

--------------

I am extra bummed because that was an easy $100 profit that just fell into my lap. *sigh* I may be able to have my person buy the stuff for me, as a last hoorah, and I may be able to pocket the profit. But then I guess my days may be over.

Honestly I spend way too much on jewelry anyway. I was going to quit in 2005 but I kept making my quotas even once I stopped trying, so it's been like, whatever, I'll stay. I hoarde way too much jewelry though. If I am cut out I have a pile of wares to sell on ebay. That's the plus! (Of course, not allowed to sell my wares on ebay while a consultant. But this changes things).

Along the same lines, dh is going crazy over buying used games. He said he found a pile of 12 games on sale for $40. He jumped on it - he said he could sell them on ebay for hundreds.

I am actually pleased. I have been waiting for dh to pick up a side income stream for a LONG time. I get tired of being the one working full-time and making all the side income too.

Anyway, he has MUCH more time now (with the kids in school a solid 2 days a week). So I will give him that. I am glad he is making himself useful. It looks like there could be a decent income stream in this direction.

Of course, on the flip side, this also has a lot of tax ramifications. So it's not pure profit. & this would take significant more work to track than other income sources. But it's still worthwhile.

With the free time he is also putting feelers out for film projects. They are largely unpaid, but the networking/contacts are invaluable.

I admit he is really busy on family projects - weddings and reunions to edit.

& don't even ask the status of our own home videos. It's like the shoemaker's son who has no shoes.

Well, as we move past the expensive months of April & May, summer should be pretty good to us. (I hope!)

June is our last payment to our mortgage where interest exceeds $1,000. Woohoo! Our July interest payment is $999.99 (something like that - hehe).

Psychological, yes, and little more. But it is still nice.

Dh told me he is waiting for our principle payments to exceed the interest portion. Agreed, but so that is so long in the future I have to find something sooner to get excited about. We also drop below the $200k balance in 2010. So that will be cool too. Another psychological advance...

Of course, as usual, looking at it - I am tempted to throw $50/month to the mortgage, extra, next year.

I talked myself out of it for now.

Another $150/month would really put us at our goal to pay off in our 40s. Quite simple really. BUT doesn't make much sense for now.

The other thing about this summer is the stimulus check (which will help greatly) and the removal of one child from the ever expensive preschool.

So summer seems like a turning point of sorts, for us financially.

As of summer I hope to have:

*Replenished the $1k I unexpectedly owe the IRS and sucked out of the emergency fund for now.

*$3k balance in our mid-term savings (which has been 0 for a while).

*Contributing $315/month to our ROTHs. (bumps our retirement savings to 15% from 12%. Phew).

I really hope to have another $100/month raise come next year to allocate to the ROTHs and get to the max for one roth and about 17% income to retirement. From there I think it is a good spot and we will just try to increase it 1% a year. (Minimum anyway. Certainly more if we have bigger raises or windfalls).

*Up our short-term savings from $900 monthly to $1k monthly, which really should suffice to cover more of the unexpected things (like a similar IRS bill).

So I would say our retirement and short-term savings should be in pretty good shape come summer.

As tempting as it is to earmark a token $50 to the mortgage, I know we really need to focus on getting our mid-term savings up to snuff. My goal is to save $5k this year, but we have some catching up to do AND I will barely squeak by this but for the help of a large stimulus check.

Of course, I also just remembered the other competing want is college money for the kids. With BM our of expensive preschool I had considered saving $50/month for that.

There's only so many directions it will go. But I admit that is probably where the money is best spent, for now.

Short-Term Savings up to snuff
Retirement up to snuff
Work on BM's college money

I guess all I can hope for is a really decent raise next year so I can put some more to mid-term savings as well. We have cars to save up to buy and home maintenance to save up for.

Dh may consider some temp work with the kids in school. I am not sure we are hot on the idea right now, but the option is certainly nice. It could significantly help the cash savings. (For now is working on a movie script and a movie which I rather him do now while he has some significant child rearing to do. BEcause lord knows I will be pushing for more income if we are not doing better when LM starts public school. Just giving him the space to do his thing for now).

Getting there, but still a ways to go...

Getting so close to where we were before we dropped to one income... That part is nice. I don't think we expected to get back to this point, so soon, on my income alone. & I am excited as we near this sort of crossover point where we are so close to getting back to a larger measure of financial security.

We've done without a lot of savings and retirement contributions and a lot of things as we slowed down to raise kids. I didn't exactly imagine with time we would find a way to have our cake and eat it too (so soon anyway). Our lifestyle for now is far cushier than I imagined it would be when we made sacrifices for our kids. For that I am extremely grateful.

& I am certainly enjoying!

The idea of putting $5k in a ROTH next year is DIVINE. To me, that is luxury.

Second incomes: twice the work, half the return:

http://moneycentral.msn.com/content/CollegeandFamily/Loveand...

I actually came across this article yesterday and thought it was quite EXCELLENT.

Probably all of my thoughts/experiences in a well written article. I mean seriously, I could have written it. Though maybe not so well.

It was just on theme with my post yesterday so had to share.

Of course this article was in terms of families with one high wage and a low wage. BUT we found much to be true with 2 mediocre wages. Dh and I made equal wages when he decided to stay home.

So though the logistics were a little different for us, we came to much the same conclusion.

I particularly like th last paragraph:

"Also on the bright side, discovering that a second income really doesn't contribute much financially can free a spouse to learn new skills, go back to school, pursue an unprofitable dream career or launch a home-based business that may pay little during the first few years. If you're going to work for free, after all, you might as well enjoy it."

Which sums up our thinking beautifully. Dh hated his job, and he wasn't going to stay. I think financially this was much preferable to getting used to a second income that could not be sustained indefinitely.

I realize with time that I don't think we could have timed having kids any better, or that we would have ever been in a better spot to have one of us stay home with the kids.

We graduated college at age 22/23 and worked a few years, saving considerable dollars. Never lived up to the second income, as we didn't expect to have one forever.

We had our first child at 25/26. Dh just turned 32, and he has been home almost 6 years. He will probably return to the workforce, maybe go to college first to update his degree, in his 30s. Plus he already has a degree and a decent amount of experience, which is worth something. & yeah - so he returns to work at 35 or 40 - still has a good 20-30 working years left. (He actually worked 12 years before kids and is eligible for social security benefits as well - so kind of sweet timing there).

I can't imagine establishing myself in a career and working hard many years, and then trying to have kids. I think that way is a hard road, though it is now the norm. I also can not imagine having a kid much younger or before having a degree or some savings. So I think somehow we hit some sweet spot, in he middle. Took some planning, but also quite by luck.

So anyway, I don't think dh would have had the guts to really examine his career otherwise. I remember before we had kids he talked much of going back to school to get an emergency teaching credential (the state of education at the time meant desperation for teachers). I encouraged him many times to QUIT his job and pursue teaching. I told him if he was going to make a move like that, then was the time. When we were young. He just never could do it, no matter how supportive I was.

I remember he was concerned about teaching wages too and I asked him if he was out of his mind. I said, so we'll save $30k/year instead of $40k. YEah, I am really worried about it. (Not).

Anyway, so old habits die hard. Dh said something the other day about pursuing some high wage job. If he wants to because it is something he loves, then sure, I am all for it. More money is good. But his parents have it pounded into his head that you hate your job and make more money. (I find this ironic since my dad loves his job and makes more than the 2 of them combined. Obviously I prefer my parent's philosophy - do what you love). There is a lot to be said for not being miserable AND having money too.

So anyway, he said something just the other day along those lines. I said, huh? Honestly, I prefer he make less so it doesn't all go to the IRS anyway. I think ideally he would make a smaller wage. & that fits in great because he wants to be an artist. So go for it. I wonder how many struggling artists out there wish they had a sugar momma like me. & instead dh struggles and struggles with what to do.

Plus, if he is going to work full-time and make a comparable wage, hell if I'll see the point to work full-time. But when I say this out loud, we fight. He has it somewhere in his head that we need to make a ton of money, though mostly he knows better.

Well, we'll work it out. I was actually surprised the other day when he said he wanted to pursue a $70k-$80k job. I said, great, I can cut back my hours then. & I was surprised when he didn't like this. I did point out that would put us at an insane tax bracket. IF he was happy and wanted to make money, great. But that then I didn't feel as much need to myself. But I know when the time comes if we have this debate we can run the numbers.

I have no desire to live in a 2-full-time-working-parent household. BLECH. Talk about stress.

--------------------------------

Of course, on the flip side, we are entering a time of great transition. Of course we have agreed it makes no sense to work with small kids and with insane daycare expenses, etc.

But the playing field is completely changing for us this year. Big Monkey starts public school in the fall. I am already paying full-time daycare in total dollars for the two to attend part-time preschool. So in theory, dh could get a full-time job and we could save his entire take-home pay, with no changes to our budget.

I have to say it is incredibly freeing.

Of course, we have no desire to put our child in full-time daycare. But I have brought up the subject, that we could put him in M/W/F and dh will be incredibly freed up all of a sudden. From having had 0 free time a year ago (well beyond nights and weekends, which are always very exhausting to both of us), suddenly dh can easily have the potential to have 3 free days a week.

Of course, on the flip side, we received BM's school calendar and there are a million days off. On one hand, I have a flexible schedule and I was prepared for some of it. But they decided this year to shorten summer by a month and take like every Friday off for the year. I looked at this calendar thinking, you have got to be flipping kidding me.

& as usual, though most of the year I could share much more in the care of kids, I have greatly reduced time and flexibility during tax season. Which is the bane of our existence for now (will be incredibly freeing in the long run as I could feasibly only work part-year, etc. But with kids it complicates things GREATLY).

So, we decided to kind of just bide our time and wait and see how things go.

I say this will be transition time for the next 5 years. Where care of the kids is still of great concern, but at least we can move pass this 24/7 care thing.

& in 5 years at least the kids won't need a babysitter every second of every day. When I think much of this becomes moot.

Dh's worked on a very promising movie project and made some great contacts, but has kind of hit a wall when it comes to selling the movie. He is quite confident he could sell it and recover the costs, but the screen writer/brainchild has already turned down a good offer, which would have recouped the costs (doh) and doesn't seem to have any true desire to sell it. Plus he moved out of the area. So dh is very frustrated. The other promising contacts he made are dropping like flies.

Anyway, don't ask me how he made these contacts. I think he did a lot of this when I was on maternity leave with LM. So I told dh the other day. I said, you know, you have 2 free days a week now. Get out and meet some new people, work on some NEW projects.

He just seems to need that push sometimes.

So he is. He really wants to work on writing his own screenplay so he can do his own movie and then have control over it. But he's kind of stuck on that. Anyway, he is considering taking screenwriting classes at the community college. He is also looking into a group that meets weekly on screenplays, though he is finding they focus much more on plays than movie scripts. However, he thinks he will give it a whirl and practice on a play.

The other funny thing is he is getting some attention for his writing abilities. He writes a lot of skits and some professional group just performed one of his skits - he won some contest. So I have been encouraging him to go that angle.

I think dh's biggest problem is he likes to live in a bubble and he doesn't want to leave that bubble. I have told him many times that I would be willing to move closer to LA so he could more seriously pursue his dreams. I brought it up again because with house prices on the slide, it may actually be doable. I have always wanted to live in San Diego, and look at those home prices slide. !!!!!

BUT he is just dead set against it. I remember back to how it is amazing I got him to move to Sacramento. He is extremely adverse to change.

So, that's his thing. He has to figure out how to make it work then. I guess there is a fair amount of work in San Francisco, and a budding local film maker scene. So it's not a lost cause. At least we don't live in the middle of nowhere.

But yeah, we will enter a time of transition. I think he will take a year or 2 to pursue his hobbies more vigilantly, now that he will have considerably more time.

I think from there he will seriously pursue going back to college, if not much comes of it. Get a major in film (update his minor) or maybe even pursue teaching. For now he doesn't seem to have much more direction than he did 6 years ago. Which worries me a bit. BUT I understand he hasn't been able to make a lot of progress with full-time charge of the kids. That I *get*

So I am hoping this is the catalyst for change...

I just want him to be happy. Which seems a very impossible goal at times. *sigh*

I am not sure what more I can do though. IT's in his hands at this point.

I am also optimistic that my income will be pretty sustaining in 3-4 years time and that I could really care less what he does at that point. Ideally. I expect to be maxing out our ROTHs and have all of our bases covered, really in about 3 years. LEss depending on more income, more thinking that I will pay for less childcare. If I paid $0 for childcare we could max out today. So I really expect overall to be in a good spot in a couple of years.

For now, life is still a little stressful on one income. But we are definitely moving into a whole new realm. & that is rather refreshing. Phew.

YEah, I know I have said that I am very relaxed, and long past done preparing for the holidays. I chalk it up to just not playing the game; not buying into all the hype...

But there was something I didn't admit. My spouse stays home and he has done tons to prepare for the holiday. Which really lessens my load greatly. I had him pick up some gifts during the weekdays. He is busy trying to sell some things online for extra cash. IT has been so busy at work I have been having him gas up my car (I just take his when mine gets empty, etc.). HE ran 4 bags top Goodwill for me yesterday (HAllelujah - tax deduction). Lord knows when I would have found time.

It's like having a Christmas Elf doing a lot of my work for me.

Anyway, I read and hear too much about a lifestyle like ours being deprived. Pinching pennies so a spouse can stay home is deprived. I think back to my depression-era grandparents and I would hardly call our life deprived. I wouldn't dare even think it. But when you look past the things, it is so much more than things. Does it really matter if you have the latest and greatest stuff, if you can just slow down and take it easy? I'd rather take it easy any day.

So that is another piece of my relaxing holiday that I just haven't given much credit to. My dh rocks!

You can see why we are trying so hard to not ever rely on a 2nd income again. At all. In no way, shape or form. BEcause really, this is the life. We don't want to both work as long as we have kids who need us. Really what it comes down to. When the kids are grown... We may both work full-time. It's just such a different ballgame with small kids. I feel like we work 10 times as hard sometime, even though only one of us is getting a paycheck. Who wants another full-time job on top of that? (Oh I am sure plenty of people do. It's just not us).

I think dh is excited too because with the kids going off to school he can have more time to pursue some of his hobbies. I know he is somewhat jealous I get to go to work (because I enjoy it so much) and interact with adults every day. But he'll get his time soon enough. & I think he deserves that break. (Plus I know the kids will keep him plenty busy for many years to come; in various ways).

http://biz.yahoo.com/brn/070208/21029.html?.v=1&.pf=real-est...

Interesting article and applies to a lot of what is going on in California.

I guess we already made the move with no equity and that was a pretty sweet move. I can imagine with our equity it would be even sweeter. Where where where is the neverending question.

Brings up a good point of salaries not always being parallel to housing costs.

Also brings up the point that home equity is mostly tax-free money. I am well aware in a state where if I won $1 mil I would only get to keep half of it, that that equity money is extra lucrative from a tax standpoint.

I would do it again - move somewhere cheaper. Odds are we will sometime again. Now is just not the time for us. Today we stand that we are happy with our home, our job, our friends, our locale, our proximity to family. So even with $400k tax-free equity, it just isn't that lucrative, and having seen the equity rise and fall I am not too attached. But I wouldn't be surprised is we reach a point in our life where we are ready to move. We kind of left it as something to discuss when my boss retires. See what my options are, where we stand, how well we could be if we moved, where our family is as they all are itching to spread out anwyay, etc. But in the meantime the talks are off the table, we are happy and staying. But I know it will come up again down the road.

Came across a really good site.

http://www.hughchou.org/calc/

Anyway, I came across this site while still perusing the pay mortgage vs. invest conundrum. The funny thing is the more I look the more I See pay pay pay. Quite interesting. But like I said I have a long while before I will have money to pay mortgage or invest so whatever. LOL. I tried working on a spreadsheet but got a headache. Very complicated. Plus I didn't have all day.

BUT perusing this super cool site I found a link I had seen before and lost. A VERY excellent 2-income calculator.

http://www.hughchou.org/calc/dappen.cgi

I think overall it is a little biased in that it does not consider all the stress of staying home all day and watching kids (which can make you shop more too). & also does not calculate the longer-term affects of taking a big career break!!! But overall I think it is a really good calculator for anyone on the fence of staying home, or planning for the future. I like it because the taxes are reflected pretty accurately, which is BIG and often overlooked. & then all the other little things that can really add up.

Anyway, when I do the calculator with taxes and daycare alone it isn't very pretty - add all the incidentals and we are clearly in the red. Or we could focus on trying to bring home some extra income, even have one of us work minimum wage nights and weekends, would be better off. But that is 2 kids in a very high COL area with a spouse whose earning potential is $30k-$40k. Eh, just so not worth it no matter how you slice it.

& I know plenty of people who are way ahead on 2-incomes and like it like that (generally 2-high wage earners. Way better of financially working often times).

But I am happy I found the calculator and could share. IF you are on the fence or not sure, could help.

Yeah, the IRS has a withholding calculator and I Recommend it to people all the time. It is a lot easier than figuring out a W-4 schedule.

BUT I had been thinking I should probably get 14 exemptions and I was thinking of pushing 16 on my W-4 this year. I always get a big state refund ($1500 or so) and I figure easier just to claim more fed exemptions, pay the balance with my state refund on April 15th. Plus I know all the tax laws and can monitor it to make sure I don't hit the penalty for underwithholding, which I wouldn't at 2 measly exemptions at 15%. Means I may be underwithheld $1k, but there is no penalty for being under $1k or less due at April 15. & state refund will no doubt be more than what I owe.

Anyway, I went to IRS Calculator to see where I was at and it said 12. My own calcs as I already said were 14. I thought maybe I Should just leave it 14. But I did my tax return (a draft anyway) and did some planning for 2007 and still came up with 14. The IRS I have concluded is CONSERVATIVE. They want your money. So just know that - LOL.

They say 12, I claim 16 - take that. 14 would be pretty break-even, a small refund. So 16 just kind of keeps me under penalty and I rather earn interest all year...

My boss always gives me the eye when we are talking about exemptions in seminar - it cracks me up. 4 personal exemptions, $20k easy in state taxes and mortgage, health insurance galore (some of it deductible) and the child tax credit for 2 kids, plus only 1-income, makes a lot of exemptions. No one around here is claiming so many exemptions because they either have a 2nd income or they rely on big refund checks. I Swear I haven't hardly owed a penny on April 15th in years. But it is funny, 16 is the highest yet, he is probably wondering about me. This is the most I every have pushed it. But I will keep an eye on it. If I get a raise I may move it to 15, or lower it later in the year as I monitor it.

I calculate I may be able to squeeze another $40-$50/month with this increase AND our state disability rate actually just went down. Will save me $11/month. & wala, I have my new health insurance premiums covered with or without a raise.

Still praying for a big raise to make my savings goals easier this year. Waiting waiting waiting, couple of more weeks. But is nice to know I am in budget regardless.

ETA: I forgot to mention I get a decent bonus in May where way too much is withheld which is also why I feel comfortable under-withholding a tad. It makes up for that measly bonus I get once 40% is taken out - blah. LOL. I usually keep 90% of my checks and have a right to 90% of that one so it just annoys me to no ends, this is how I battle it... I swear I will probably get a small federal refund for 2007 if I count that.

All I have to say is WOW...

My dh and I never really found any quiet time to do the budget talk. With the baby sleeping I have been returung to bed exhausted pretty early while he stays up and then I wake up at dawn while he sleeps in. Our old habits. Not that it was any better with the lack of sleep but I Was tending to stay up later since the baby would just wake me up so much anyway!

Anyway, had not found time and October craziness is in full swing so we attempted a discussion this morning between the chaos or screaming kids. Was not the way I wanted to do it, but oh well.

Anyway, his reaction completely and utterly amazed me. Last year we had a pretty hard time as I took way more time off work than intended, and for whatever reason we spent a lot of money as well. I asked him to get a job last year and it never panned out, though eventually he admitted he had a very bad/discriminatory interview which scared him off the whole job thing. Something he had never admitted. VEry discriminatory that he had not worked for a few years - though this was just a minimum wage crap job.

Anyway, this year I broached the discussion but he really pushed that he had just committed on all this movie stuff, and frankly I didn't think we were that bad off. We had agreed on temp christmas job to build up some savings. I figure him working on this other project could help us financially long term as he may get a big commission check eventually, and if not, the experience and contacts he is making is good. So I didn't really push it.

One look at the budget and he said - "OMG -- I am getting a job today." You know, that is the old dh I know.

I have no idea why when I Am asking him to get a job before that he was still talking about a $500 DVD player, etc. I think seeing it all laid out he just had no idea where we were at before now. I feel like I have tried to tell him, evidenced that I would not ask him to get a job unless we REALLY needed it. So I am frustrated he did not get it before. But relieved at this point that my good old super frugal dh is still there. I have been wondering where he has been lately - LOL.

On the flip side I think he flipped out more than warranted, but hey. It is good.

As I said before, communication is good I guess.

Well, he is looking into some jobs and I feel some relief though I now we will be fighting about every little purchase more. Though that is not necessariy bad - we need to keep on top of each other because we both have our own weaknesses...

With him on board I see us making our goal of building up our emergeny fund much sooner. Yay!!!!! I think that is the only place we are really lacking financially right now, and the sooner we build it back up the better.

Oh yeah and he started talking about things we can do to cut groceries - phew. Guess he just needed a kick in the butt. No more of this "there is nothing we can do" crap.

If I knew all I had to do was lay it out on paper I would have done it sooner. Geez. Last year he would have helped more - I though last year was pretty obvious since we had no income coming in for many months, and I told him he needed to get a job, but okay whatever. Live and learn.

Was lazy today:

$52.17 cash for 2006
- 1.08 BK Lunch
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$51.09 remains
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I tend to do a $1 lunch every week so I thought today was a good day because it was Wednesday.

My dumb plan for the week was hosting a get together at my house thursday. I did not intend to serve dinner, and chose this option to avoid a $10 - $15 dinner. Oh well. Now I am buying pizza instead due to pressure - LOL. & then all the birthday presents - my word. Oh well, I like my budget to be flexible - so I will probaly chalk this one to eating out & I do have a gift budget. I just did not foresee using it this month or next and was going to use it for christmas instead!!!!!! But oh well - who knew october was such a birthday month! For now I will lump it where I can, just means less gift buying an eating out this month.

Ahhhh, the daycare thread is still being beat to death but on my drive to BK I was pondering something I didn't even thing about. With my first son I drove home at lunch every single day to be with him, and then he napped every afternoon from 1-5. He's a sleeper. I had no idea how good I had it of course - LOL. Another reason why the mommy wars perplexed me. So I don't see my son from 8-12 but I see him before nap and when he wakes up, does he notice I am gone 8 hours a day? Not really!

& then this was the son who we felt at 1 may be ready for preschool or daycare if hubby wanted to get a job. OF course my second son threw us for a loop. I Was lucky CA had a new law at the time and I got 12 weeks paid home. Disability - not full pay - but enough to get by. & then after all that I had to work PT 3 months because he refused to drink from a bottle. & then I had PPD issues and I just could not work full speed again until he was about 6 months old.

I look at him today and I can not imagine putting him in any care - he is such a "baby" still at 15 months. HE is not even walking yet. My older son was just the difference of night and day. At 1 he was like a 2-year-old. At 3 he is like a 5-year-old. I am guessing my baby is on par for being a normal baby, but the whole thing is weird, my other son fast forwarded through this stage so fast. I had no idea there was this stage between "baby" and "full blown toddler."

& sleep? Ha! The baby does not sleep.

Anyway, I have always felt more guilty working with this baby because I no longer have the time to go home at lunch. I have a lot more responsibility, and gas prices have been crazy. & he doesn't sleep 1/2 the day away so I miss so many waking hours. Ah, but I get them all back in the middle of the night! ; )

Anyway, I just throw this out to those of you planning ahead for children down the road. Plans are nice but inevitably your children will put a wrench in your plans. LOL. Guaranteed. ; ) My husband and I keep saying when he turns 2 our daycare options will be much greater and cheaper, etc., etc. But frankly, will he be ready for that? At this rate, no. But we'll work it out I guess. That's why I am here and cracking down on my budget. We have been doing just fine, but saving and getting ahead, not so much. I am starting to envision we will do the 1-income thing longer than we planned, so trying to get to a point where it just doesn't matter. Where that 2nd income is pure gravy. BEfore it was going to be retirement, but now I am trying to squeeze that out of my own check. But I know we will make it work.

Well, I could go on and on all day about the advantages of having a man who stays home while the woman works. (For 1 - maternity leave is pretty awesome - kind of like vacation with both of us home).

But I just found the big downside - vasectomy!!! It's like 5 days of no lifting - yeah right with a baby. I Am just hoping we can squeeze it in this year. I have 3 days vacation and we'll make it work. But I keep thinking to all the men I know who were back to work in 1 day. & then I think - duh - most office jobs don't require heavy lifting like my hubby's job does. Blech. Big baby boy is 25 pounds and not walking yet, so I got to stay home a few days with the kids.

We'll work it out. I just really wanted him to take care of this this year, because I wanted to switch to a high-deductible plan Jan. 1. We just can no longer afford our premiums. In the meantime, I will call and ask how much the procedure is. THey told him today it was only $250, but I find that hard to believe. IF that's it, piece of cake, we'll be saving $300/month with reduced premiums. I find it hard to believe because that is what they charge us NOW for any procedure. I think he was misinformed. ; ) Then again, as a preventive measure - maybe. Costs them a lot less than a pregnant woman I guess...

Oh anyway, he went to an info meeting on it tonight, since he finally called the hospital, etc. HE came home pretty whiny and I am afraid to say I Wasn't very sympathetic. After doing the birth control thing for many years and giving birth twice, eh, I think I have done my duty. I am actually just about doing the happy dance that the responsibility is shifting and I can throw the birth control out the window.

I am working on my budget and I am just planning for the worst when it comes to medical. Maybe we will be paying the big premiums another year. If he can't get the big snip now, it will be next summer earliest.

Anyway, I read on here about using Quicken and budgeting in Excel, but it just seemed kind of silly. Anyway, I was researching spreadsheets today for work and I started getting distraced by all these personal budgeting spreadsheets. After looking at them a little closer I started seeing the benefit. I think I Will give it a whirl. Dh is gonna go crazy because I started entering all of our grocery items more detailed, etc. I swear all I do in my spare time (what spare time?) these days is budget, invest, etc. Oh well, but I like it. I have done budgets in excel before, but I guess over the years our finances have just got so dang complicated. So I am working on a budget for next year - just putting something together, will be tweaked as we go for sure. In the past I just used round budgets, and I budget enough in my head that I always know where we're at, and we neevr spend more than we have. BUT, I need to get a "down to the penny" budget written down that we can stick to, and so we can work on our savings a little more.

Monthly budgets are nice, but I keep getting thrown off by the one-time expenses every year. So I am working out some all-inclusive monster budget. We'll see how it goes. ; ) Then I can track our progress each month. But I really look forward to seeing the big picture. (Or maybe not...).

Dh has been taking the grocery shopping thing pretty seriously. HE has been stocking a lot on sale, and though we rarely buy brand names, the few things we do, he is coming home with generic lately. Hope this helps the bottom line... I got a bunch of Target coupons and think I will go stock up on some things as well. A big investment this month, but worht it down the road.