Happy Mother's Day!
Today is divine because we have absolutely no plans. (It's been a while!)
Though I think a do-nothing day is rather divine, we mostly celebrated yesterday (took my parents out to dinner), and plan to go on a beach hike next Saturday. Next weekend just worked better for the hike.
Going out to dinner was certainly nicer the night before the big day!
-----------------------------------------------------
Dh and I had an interesting discussion yesterday which I think clarifies our experience.
I don't remember how the topic came up, but I mentioned that several of the kids' friends had 7:00 bed times. (For reference, we are lucky if our kids sleep 9pm - 6am! & it's better now that they have school - they slept even less at night when they were little).
Anyway, I was telling dh that was probably why one of BM's friends had quit track (they practice until 8:00, and the mom had told me many times it was a bit late for them). I rattled off names of kids who sleep at 7:00 - because was skeptical that kids really go to bed that early.
Then he says - "Wait - all those parents work. Yikes! They really don't get to spend a lot of time with their kids during the week. Dinner and then bedtime?"
Seems like a simple observation, and probably something I have thought of before in past instances. But, it is an interesting point. I get such weird reactions often, to being a working mom. I try to be positive and think that people are pushing back to their own negative working experiences. Otherwise, it is really easy to take offense to the endless stupid comments.
But dh is right. It's more than just negative working experiences. Here I am thinking that people are just insane and condescending, but maybe their kids go to bed at 7pm too, and they just can't wrap their brain around working and spending quality time with their kids.
I think it's important to remember that in the future.
It relates to my whole experience as a working mom. I have no idea what everyone else is freaking out about, most of the time.
On the flip side, I think this story illustrates the point that you often have to be flexible and creative as a parent. Because if your kids go to bed at 7pm or 9pm, each sounds like a VERY different experience. If you think I Could simply will my kids to stay up late or go to bed early - HA! If they were "7pm bedtime" types, I'd probably push for an earlier work schedule, myself. It's always been a fine balance of molding them to our schedule while being cognizant of what kind of schedule they thrive on. I don't think either of us likes the fact that they are usually wide awake before 6am, but they sleep well and are well adjusted. & I need that 9pm-10pm hour to unwind, myself. (Though often I go to bed before the kids do!) Which is how we settled on 9pm. Any earlier and they wake up to dang early! So, is what works for us, for now.
When BM was a baby, he just slept most the time that I was at work. I never *got* what all the other moms found so unfortunate about my schedule. I never felt like I missed anything. No doubt he slept while I Was at work because he preferred nursing to the bottle. So it just kind of evolved. The whole experience to me was always, "So what's the big deal???"
Thoughts on Motherhood
May 8th, 2011 at 05:42 pm
May 8th, 2011 at 11:20 pm 1304893236
May 8th, 2011 at 11:37 pm 1304894279
If his job situation was really different, I think we would have both worked. I probably would have gone a part-time route, which I think would have worked just fine for us. I know a lot of 2-part-time working parents and have often thought that was really the ideal. I could have stayed home easily a year or two per child. That might have been a good compromise.
That said, even today, I don't particularly see the point of us both working full-time. So I don't see that as a choice we would make.
As an aside, if BM was our only child, my dh probably would have only taken one year off work. I don't think being home with a parent was the ideal for him. We were talking about it before I got pregnant with LM and had kind of thought staying home any longer didn't make much sense with him. Makes more sense with our second child. & you have to understand that we had no intention of ever putting BM in daycare. But then he arrived and we learned that every kid is different and has different needs. Before BM turned one we were searching out a daycare as an outlet for him. Thus, putting him into a daycare setting though my spouse didn't even work. Any preconceived notions we had about the importance of staying home went out the window pretty quickly.
May 9th, 2011 at 12:05 am 1304895925
If his job situation was really different, I think we would have both worked. I probably would have gone a part-time route, which I think would have worked just fine for us. I know a lot of 2-part-time working parents and have often thought that was really the ideal. I could have stayed home easily a year or more per child. That might have been a good compromise.
That said, even today, I don't particularly see the point of us both working full-time. So I don't see that as a choice we would make.
My spouse hasn't particularly chosen to be home all this time. He has looked for jobs since we have had kids.
May 9th, 2011 at 03:51 am 1304909504
Well, we start the process at 7. My daughter (12) is usually tucked in by 7:20 and reads until 8:00. I read a minimum of 20-30 min each night to my son, and then tuck him in by 8:00. I have tried extending their bedtimes but it makes for crabby children the next day.
May 9th, 2011 at 08:18 pm 1304968696
1. Not a chance with a kid 13 or over. He just tosses and turns and is counterproductive. Both he and my husband have about 1/2 hour or so Three stooges or some such dumb old TV around 8 to 8:30. It lets both of them destress.
2. 8o or 8:30 for the 11 y.o. Earlier when she has been short on rest due to extracurricular activities, later when she is already rested. And certainly some light reading before turning out the lights when it's earlier.
I am very big on all of us getting enough sleep; 8 hours adults and 9-10 for the kids. Why? Cause I am really really grouchy when I'm tired!! kinda like how they have to wear a sweater when I'm cold
HOW on earth can a person sleep when it's broad daylight out anyway until 9pm. sheesh
May 9th, 2011 at 09:12 pm 1304971926
Don't get me wrong - I Was a "sleep 12 hours a night" kind of kid though I never had any trouble sleeping. I think it just can be so different for every family.
May 9th, 2011 at 10:28 pm 1304976520
She could probably be convinced to go down at 7:30 or 8 every night. I like 8:30 best because she's an 11-hour sleeper and 7:30 is when I like her to be ready to get up to leave for daycare. But she's really pretty easy if we have to cut her sleep short a tiny bit, and occasionally she likes to sleep 12, 12.5 hours, so even that's not really regular.
BTW we never imposed a bedtime; when she was a baby we'd put her down whenever we went to bed (anywhere from 9 to midnight) just so she'd be in the bedroom with us. Sometimes she was awake and sometimes not. She's the one that decided she'd be going to bed before 9 most nights. LOL.