I was just perusing the stay home vs. work thread (which was actually quite cordial - imagine that) and I had some insight to share.

I am fiercely independent, so it may actually surprise you to know that my mother was a SAHM. Of course, this is probably why dh and I value having a parent home. We felt very blessed growing up that we both had our moms home with us. Dh's mom worked part-time much of his youth, but my mom has not worked since I was born.

Anyway, so when I read comments that women work because they want to be strong role models for their daughters, I kind of cringe. You don't have to work to be a strong role model for your daughter.

Likewise, since I do tend to be fiercely independent, I thought it might surprised some of you to know I Was raised by a full-time, permanent SAHM. & no I haven't rebelled against that at all. I think it was a good thing. I just know it's not for me.

I have always had far more in common with my dad, and likewise, emulate him much more. Probably why I followed in his footsteps more than my mom's. It just feel more comfortable or *right* to me.

My parents were the types who had me doing chores and cooking at a very young age. Not because they considered me a slave, but because they wanted me to know how to take care of myself. It is very striking the way most people raise their kids these days - the idea that if you give them chores you are just using your kids. Huh? How are they going to learn how to sustain themselves? I will never make apologies for my 5yo or 8yo or 12yo knowing how to take care of themselves.

So my parents have always approached everything as me being able to take care of myself. I have no doubt they would treat me no different, in that regard, if I was male or female. When I turned 16 I learned how to change the oil and the tires on my car. As anyone should really know.

Though my mom never had any desire to work she always made it clear that she was strong because she had a degree. That she could take care of us if she needed to.

These days I look back and wonder how capable she would have been, to take care of us if something had happened. But growing up the message was clear - you have to take care of yourself because no one else will. Just because my dad worked didn't mean my mom completely relied on him.

Anyway, with time as I step back and look at my life I find it funny how much dh has married his mother. I hate to say it since we butt heads so much, but I think much of the reason why is because we are both so alike. I realize it more and more every day.

Of course, dh and I have had our own struggles. It wasn't until we had kids and he stayed home a few years that I start to realize I totally and completely married my mother. LOL. I thought I was s'posed to marry my father. You know, you marry someone like your father. But since I am much more like my father, I guess I married someone much more like my mother.

Anyway, just some insights into my own upbringing.

I find it awfully funny that dh and I have been together a good 13 years, and only now we see how we so totally married our mothers. You don't think about this when you date or marry someone. I guess having kids brings out our parents in us.

But yeah. I just had to share because it's kind of funny.

& well to say, if you are a strong woman, a job doesn't identify you as being strong. It will come across whether you work or not.