Just a 46-year-old mom of 2 in Northern California. My kids are Monkey Monkey(MM) and Drama Llama (DL). I am married to Monkey Hubby (MH). I haven't read the comments on my last blog yet - it's going to be a crazy week.
YEsterday we actually had a pleasant time with MIL. So goes the rollercoaster. I know better than to hand her over our medical record #s, but she may be helpful in the end.
So is today - will see about tomorrow.
I am highly skeptical of the surgeon she wants to do the job. I know he is highly regarded, and was trained by the BEST, etc., etc., etc.
What's the catch? HE seems very EAGER! She has made a billion calls and said he could get in to surgery at our HMO for $10k.
Huh? That's it? I actually had an outside surgeon do a procedure at the same HMO when I was 17. I said, that sounds awfully cheap (for a brain surgeon) as mine cost $10k about 15 years ago, for a jaw surgeon.
She says - oh no - it's a nonprofit organization and blahdeblahdeblah.
I told her that we were not sure our surgeon would do much but supervise. For $10k, is he really going to do anything but watch. Our his stats as good in an unfamiliar environment?
As I tried to ponder why the "best" would be so "affordable" in the end, it all comes back to the economy. Everyone I have seen who openly discussed their experiences online, paid $100k-ish for the shole shebang at THEIR Office. Hospitalization, staff, and everything. Obviously, in the boom, people afforded this with home equity and such.
I can't help but wonder if in this economy, they are a little more desparate for patients with that kind of cash - searching out reasonable options.
So, I couldn't help but feel that now is a good time for brain surgery, in that regard. To us, $10k is nothing. For dh's brain? We've got the cash.
I just found the whole thing interesting.
Anyway, as we are talking in the realm of reasonability, and I can tell MIL about my own experience, we found some middle ground.
Dh is leaning in another direction than we prefer (more risky surgery at small chance of hearing preservation). BUT, it's up to him, I ain't going to push him either way. I suppose I will support him and help keep his mom off his back.
It's ironic, that in all this mess, we are the ones that are being logical and making MIL think through some of her bizarre assertions. But then again, as a mom, I'd probably be overly emotional too.
Which reminds me, a co-worker praised me as being tough and getting through this. She said, "You're not like those other girls we have who cry all the time." LOL. Not sure I agree, but I suppose I can be tough when I need to. IT just struck me as funny. Other people's perceptions can always be interesting.
I have found myself worrying about something like a mile down the road, and keep telling myself to stop it. One day at a time really. IT's the only way to go. That is such a dh thing - he worries about stupid stuff way in the future that will never come to be - constantly. I am glad that in times of crisis, he seems to have put that aside.
I think his personal opinions on treatment will lead him to our covered surgeon anyway. Will see! If so, he can fight it out with his mom. 
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BTW, by some miracle, when I had surgery, the surgeon ended up doing the entire surgery AND our HMO paid his bill. I don't think we even asked - I think his office asked for reimbursement and got it, by some fluke.
I always figured if I got stuck with some $10k medical bill, I Wouldn't sweat it. Or what are the odds I could be so lucky again? Though I am still a little skeptical about this doc's eagerness, the $10k figure is almost like a "sign" in some regards.
Maybe now is a good time for surgery...
December 1st, 2009 at 04:32 pm
December 1st, 2009 at 04:54 pm 1259686448
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Unfortunately, I don't have any specifics on how to go about doing such a search. I'm sure the Amercial Medical Association is a good place to start?
December 1st, 2009 at 10:54 pm 1259708084
Proceed carefully...
John DeFlumeri Jr
December 1st, 2009 at 11:23 pm 1259709839
December 1st, 2009 at 11:31 pm 1259710316
Anyway, today a local surgeon offered to do the surgery, and we asked for, and got, referral to our "covered" specialist in the Bay Area. MIL is ensuring that we send the MRI to internet Wonderboy. So we got our "first opinion" and will get 2 more. I think that's a good start. Not that we won't talk to more docs, from there.
Today wasn't very newsworthy, but we were told chance of saving his hearing is about 0%. Which really sucks since most people we have talked to had poor hearing to start. Dh's hearing is mostly fine, and Doc was amazed how well he seemed considering how massive the tumor is at this point. Silent but deadly! He also mentioned it could be another kind of tumor but for the most part doesn't know anything until he gets in there. Just knows his hearing won't make it, most likely.
Will talk to the other 2 Docs in the coming week, I am sure. I suppose this is the worst part (as I have been told 100 times already). I just want to find a good doctor to put some faith into, at this point! Dh just wants a surgery date!
December 2nd, 2009 at 01:03 am 1259715808
Sorry your MIL is adding to the stress. As you said, she is deeply concerned about her son and understandably emotional. After I read your post, I wondered if perhaps she may have indicated to the specialist that she would pay all surgical fees above $10k, in order to minimize your out of pocket costs?
You have some important decisions ahead, dear MM, and we are all sending you our support for choosing the wisest course of action.
December 2nd, 2009 at 01:48 pm 1259761735
December 2nd, 2009 at 04:30 pm 1259771400
December 4th, 2009 at 03:08 am 1259896094
http://www.csmc.edu/8509.html
All you have to do it punch in your doc's names on search engines and you should be able to get plenty of info on them. Being eager does not make them bad....good surgeons like to do what they do best!
And I was amazed at how "cheap" her surgery cost was since Dr. Pfeffer was out of our network (obviously from Humboldt to San Francisco).
I have always found a good question to ask a doctor (like your treating physician). If it was your son, mother, daughter... which surgeon would you have do the surgery?